Thursday 24 May 2018

More Things You Have To Do

Thank you to everyone for supportive comments on recent posts. It is really wonderful that so many people are thinking about me and the family

 I still seem to be OK most of the time, managing to do all the legal and paperwork stuff and lots of  gardening. I guess because of spending so many weeks on my own at various times while Colin was in hospital it still seems a bit like that, so it will be later that I really feel things.

The next thing to sort out was financial stuff and the will.
So appointment made to go to solicitors with a list of what papers to take.

There are so many people to notify.

The registrar gave me a code number to use for the Tell-Us-Once service which deals with lots of things like passport and DVLA...... But when I went on line to do it I couldn't get into it - just an error message. So I phoned up and was told that the registrar had entered the wrong month online. The Death Certificates were OK, which was the most important thing.........so many bits of paper are needed for everything....it's all very confusing. Try to get Registrar to tell them about the error and that's a busy number for all of Suffolk's Registry Offices. Leave message. Get new code number. Try again. All seems OK. Get right through until the end of the process, press submit and ERROR message Again! Try and find out why......not sure. Give up. Resolve to do everything individually and direct, which turned out to be almost as simple!

Except of course every phone number that you call  is a press button 1, 2, 3 etc and loud music while you wait......"we value your call".....?

Phone calls made, forms printed off, forms filled in, forms posted.

Council Tax notified....  there's a 25% discount for single occupancy -  every little helps - but it sounds so final and sad.

After all that I was glad that no one works  weekends so I could have a break from the phone.

Back to the phoning after the weekend.
My car needs it's MOT test done so phoning for that and appointments made all over the place.

Phew

Then off to sort the funeral - Col's sister came too to keep me company. It's only 10 months since she was there with Colin planning their Dad's funeral. Colin had decided the who, where and what he wanted for the funeral and we have ample time to sort things out. I certainly wouldn't want to do everything in just a few days. When I said the funeral wouldn't be for a while it is because of various commitments already made by people that can't be changed - it's not a problem.

Lots of people to notify now and more appointments to make then I had a  dentist appointment for a big filling, which if it doesn't work will mean root canal stuff - not fun. Worst of it is I still have to go back again for another filling or rather having a tooth rebuilt..... it broke a month ago when I bit a Toblerone(won in a raffle) that had been put in the fridge.....annoying! If that treatment doesn't work it will mean having the tooth  capped - all sounds horrible.

Thank you to everyone who thought of making a donation in Colin's name, that's a lovely thought. We are having donations to two things. One is Lymphoma Action and the other is the cancer ward support group at Ipswich hospital. But any Cancer research charity would be grateful for all the help they can get. It's amazing how many cancers are beatable now thanks to research but there is still more research needed for Non Hodgkin Lyphoma, as someone said in comments the other day, nothing much was known about it at all just 40 years ago but things are getting better especially for some of the more common types. The Mantle Cell type that Col had is one of the rarer ones.

Thought it was time for a new header photo as we head into June. Taken on Tuesday when the sun was making dappled shade through the big trees at the end of the meadow.

I have so many posts in drafts that were written weeks ago and if I leave them much longer some will be nonsensical so I'll start posting again more regularly for a while.

Back tomorrow
Sue

58 comments:

  1. You're remarkably patient, Sue. All that hassle with the Registrar must have been very frustrating. I do hope that you can get the tooth sorted soon - an extra hassle that you could do without right now. The suggestions for donations are very helpful, thank you. Your new header picture is lovely, the waymarker arrow pointing forward through the dappled shade towards the sunshine. Bless you x

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    1. I did moan a bit when someone finally phoned back from the registrars! but as I must have entered something wrong the second time and couldn't see what it was I quite happily gave up

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  2. It's not great that there are so many frustrating hold ups and things that need doing at these times. Making it all easier (in the sense of 'ease') surely cannot be beyond the realms of possibility.
    Good luck with the tooth troubles.
    It's a beautiful header photo, so calm and peaceful.

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    1. I think it is meant to be easy, you can have a longer appointment at the registrars and they will do it for you.
      I dread visiting the dentists.

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  3. So many things to do and then a dental appointment and the car MOT on top of it all. Bless you Sue for handling all this so well. It can be so frustrating making those phone calls and being put on hold so much. It is so easy to get overwhelmed in these situations. I'm so glad Col's sister was able to be with you to make the funeral plans. I have gone with family members to do that on several occasions and feel you definitely need support at that time.

    I love your new header photo. It is so green and pretty and makes me want to follow the path. I'm keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

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    1. Thank you, I'm making lots of lists of things to do which helps

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  4. There are so many things that have to be done at times like this,without having hassle trying to get things sorted.Its a heartbreaking time for you and your Family.Its a lovely picture that you have put at the top with beautiful sun shining through.I was talking to my Mam about you yesterday because we lost our Dad just over 3 years ago and she also sends you her love and feels your pain.xx

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    1. Thank you to you Mum, hopefully not too many more things to sort out now

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  5. The header photo is so uplifting, Sue, with the dappled sunlight on the vibrant greenery. Sorry about the tooth-I was eating seeded bread the last time I broke a tooth. I have been thinking about your children in the past days, as I was just thirty when my father died suddenly.I still remember how surreal it felt, and it was me who dealt with all the arrangements. As always, you are keeping busy and being an example to us all.

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    1. Yes I think it's hard for the children, and more unexpected, they are all in their 30's and will miss their Dad so much

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    2. Sending you and your children all my best wishes. The sunshine is most welcome and helps - your garden must be flourishing. Wishing you strength and fortitude in the coming days. Take care of yourself. Carole.

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  6. Another lovely header picture. I am pleased that you are managing so well and keeping busy does mean that you don't have too much time to think. My thoughts are with you.

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    1. I'm glad of the garden and fine weather to keep me busy

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  7. So glad you are keeping on keeping on -I know it can feel like wading through treacle when there is so much to be done. After my dear father died it was a shock to me that life was still going on around us and we still had to eat, keep appointments, keep the small necessary stuff of life going. You are in all our thoughts.

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  8. I grew up with strong woman, my mum being the strongest person I knew, I too am strong and have passed it on to my youngest daughter. Stay strong for now, whilst you have things needing done....

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    1. My Mum was strong too, she carried on alone for 3 years when My dad was killed in a motor bike accident and she was pregnant with me. She was also good at organising things

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  9. I love your new header. Somehow it seems positive - like leading into the future?

    You must be so heartily sick of hanging around on the phone. I used to dread having to phone BT and that's just ONE companay (though probably the worst). Your cause not helped by the Registrar putting the wrong month - how to waste people's time. I would be hopeless at the "what to do" if anything happened to Keith. He is the one who is good with things like that and I am not. It must be a relief at least that Col planned his funeral and you are fulfilling his wishes on that. My dad's death was very sudden and I was in such a state (I still can't write that without my eyes welling up) I was like a headless chicken.

    I am glad you are coping on your own at the moment, but I guess there will be times when you really miss Col, and that is to be expected.

    I am guessing Toblerone is not something you will be eating again. It is hard BEFORE it goes in the fridge! That said, I once pulled out a capped molar eating malt loaf (it is so sticky and gloopy). I hope you can get the toof rebuilt.

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    1. You're right, I shall never eat Toblerone again! I had won it in a raffle and when it was brought to me it had been in someones car through a sunny morning so I stuck it in the fridge. Tooth is aching this morning after the filling which might be too close to the nerve. Oh great joy!

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  10. It's so good that you can write it all down like this, it must help clear your mind. All I can say is how sorry I feel for you and hope that you stay strong.
    Lots of hugs
    Briony
    x

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    1. Writing things down is therapeutic, just hope people don't mind me sharing

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  11. Will you hate me for chuckling over the Toblerone thing? I read that and immediately noted to self: don't put Toblerone in fridge. Bill surprised me with a bar yesterday and I'd been pondering sticking it in the fridge. Best avoided.
    So much to do with sorting and arranging, you'd think it would be a bit more straightforward. But you're getting there. x

    p.s header photo is lovely.

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    1. My fault for not waiting for it too warm up a bit after putting it in the fridge!
      Enjoy your toblerone!
      I hope there are not too many hassles at the solicitors when I go there. Not too many more things to sort I think

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  12. you seem to be coping really well.Such a lot to do.I lost my mum when I was 24 .

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    1. That must have been such a horrible thing to happen at a young age and very sad.

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  13. Retrospective list-making is a great way to see just how much you have accomplished - and you have. Do whatever works for you, including some rest and a bit of Sue-pampering along the way...perhaps no chocolate, though! With a bit of luck, your tooth will settle down after a day or two of grumbles.
    The new header is great, it seems to say a lot about the way you tackle things.

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    1. I'm an expert at writing things down that I've already done so I can cross them off!

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  14. Sorry to hear that you had problems with the Tell-Us-Once service. I was surprised to read that you had to do that yourself - the Registrar actually did it before she handed over the death certifictes when I registered the death of my partner.

    I like your new header and good luck with the dental work.

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    1. I could have let the registrar do it for me if I'd had a longer appointment on a different day but I thought it would be straight forward.

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  15. Coping with all that you having to do sounds horrific - what do people without a computer do? Those that are hard of hearing? Disabled or too old, or mentally beyond so much organisation?
    I really admire your spirit and determination, you are a inspiring example to all.

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    1. I'm sure there is help available but it is certainly easier if you know where to find all your relevant paperwork and luckily I'm quite organised.
      Not sure about inspiring - just doing what has to be done

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  16. I love that new header picture, Sue. It seems to say ‘onwards and upwards’ to me.

    What a hassle all your phone calls and online form filling have been, but I am glad you can see an end to it.

    I will send a donation to Lymphoma Action. And do keep sharing your ‘journey’ (I hate that word but sometimes it just fits!), it’s good that it helps sort things out in your head. Good luck with the teeth and hope the filling settles down in due course. As if you didn’t have enough to cope with! I too am very nervous at the dentist. I have a lady dentist and she and her nurse always take a minute or two to settle me down when I arrive. We were talking about weddings last time I went and she has got married since I last saw her, so I’m almost looking forward to seeing her next time to find out how it went. Almost!

    Take care, Sue, and thinking of you.

    Rosie x

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    1. Thank you for making a donation to Lymphoma Action- it will all help to find more things to find a better treatment.

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  17. Sue you are coping so brilliantly at this very difficult time.
    I love your new header....it's stunning.
    Hugs-x-

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    1. I was pleased with how the photo turned out.

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  18. I won't speak for others, but I am glad you have the blog to "talk" to about your feelings and the endless list of things to do at this time and absolutely don't mind reading whatever you want to share. A friend of mine said that she spent the first year of widowhood in a state of numbness. Just kept herself as busy as she could while she sorted out all the changes in her life. Hoping that you have family and friends surrounding you in the days to come--your blogging friends will be here.

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    1. Thank you for those lovely words, blogging is a good help in keeping busy

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  19. Errors don’t help with trying to get things done but at least you were able to get on with things in the end.

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  20. The header picture is lovely.

    All the tasks that has to be done after a death can be overwhelming. The good thing it does, though, is to keep one busy.

    I have three in my family with non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma and two dear friends, one of whom passed away after a 21 year battle. It is such a horrible disease but new strides are made everyday. We all cling to hope.

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    1. So sorry to hear about your family members with NHL. I hope that before too long some of the things on trial will be available and working well

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  21. Sue, I feel so guilty for only just seeing what has happened, I haven't been looking at many blogs lately and only just noticed.
    I was so gutted when I read that Collin had passed away, but at least he was surrounded by his family and love. I always had full intentions of meeting you both one day, Collin sometimes used to contact me on Facebook and I loved seeing his comments, i think we live parallel life's separated by a few generations in what we see as important and family values. I can't believe how much this has upset me for someone I've never met. Sat here with tears down my face as my little boy cuddles me.
    Sending all my love from my family to yours at this difficult time.

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    1. Don't worry about not seeing before, you are slightly busy with your 3 littlies and everything else.
      And Only one generation difference Kev - I'm not that old!!!
      Giving up our smallholding and that way of life was difficult but a good decision given what has happened.

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  22. The new header is gorgeous, and is it only me that sees it as being totally symbolic. The post pointing upwards to a new pathway through life, with shadows and dappled shade but also with much beauty and calm. Drawing you forward towards ... well towards who knows what but something different.

    You have had so much to do, I'm glad you have had Col's sister to help a little, how awful for her to have lost her Dad and now her brother in so short a space of time, I know that feeling well, we lost a parent each within the space of five months (that sounds totally careless, thinking of that quote by Oscar Wilde).

    It is always nice to see a new post from you pop up on my sidebar,take care. xx

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    1. I hadn't thought about the photo being symbolic, just wanted a sunny summery photo but I guess something pointing the way through the shadows could be a good omen.

      Thank you, I do enjoy writing and thinking of things to write about.

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  23. The dentists always say that if one thing didn't do it another thing would. The dental treatment I have had recently, putting right all the mistakes of the 1970s and 1980s and my neglect of recent years, has not been painful and included lots of root canal work. It is a bit uncomfortable but never hurt. Good luck with continuing with the paper work and organisation. Nice to see the sunshine today isn't it? I assume Suffolk is much the same as Norfolk today.

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    1. It has been lovely and sunny here too until just now when some cloud has rolled in. Could really do with a few showers now but not thunder showers which will damage everything in the garden

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  24. I can't believe how strong you are being. The garden, housework and your blog must help you keep busy. Your header photo is beautiful.

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    1. Thank you, just getting done what has to be done - not a lot of housework!

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  25. Continued thoughts for you, Sue. Be kind to yourself.

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  26. Just want you to know you are being kept in my thoughts and prayers.

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  27. My condolences to you and your family, Sue. Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.

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  28. You are doing so well, Sue, I take my hat off to you. I will look out a suitable cancer charity and let you know when I've made a donation. Just relax over the weekend, dear friend.
    Love from Devon,
    Margaret P

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  29. PS I have just made a donation to Lymphoma Action, Sue, in Col's memory. May he rest in peace.
    Margaret P

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    1. Many Thanks Margaret for being so thoughtful and kind.

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  30. The header photo is beautiful. I'm glad you're managing to sort things out. I had no idea how much had to be organised until my dad died suddenly. I was 29 and pregnant and my sister was too busy having an affair to be of any help to my Mum so it all fell to me. Things weren't done online then, so there were a lot of appointments and queueing up. I think the social security office was the worst; I just wanted to scream in there.
    Take care xx

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  31. I can remember all the paperwork when my father died. I still get flustered when I think about it.

    Love the new header photo.

    God bless.

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  32. You are to be commended for handling all that paperwork and standing tall. I hope things smooth out for you soon. ((hugs)), Teresa

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