Wednesday, 16 May 2018

What Happened Last Week

Thank you to everyone for all the messages on other blogs. I couldn't believe all the blogging friends who had written special posts for us even though we'd never met and thank you especially to Pat who we had met.

I've usually shared what has happened with  Mantle Cell Non Hodgkin Lymphoma, one of the nastiest of cancers, so I hope you don't mind me sharing this final bit.

It's helped to write it all down,getting it all straight in my head.


 Over the Spring Bank Holiday Col didn't seem to be as well as he had been on Thursday and Friday and I called the hospital special haematology number and they said best call the  out-of-hours doctor who came out but his temperature etc were all OK. They prescribed a more powerful oral pain killer to try to help.

On Tuesday  night it was obvious he was getting confused and I rang for an ambulance straight away. They zoomed him to A&E and I followed along a few minutes later after sorting out what I needed.
I arrived not long after  the Ambulance and sat with him in A & E through the night as they pumped in antibiotics and saline. They were able to move him to the cancer ward about 6 o'clock in the morning and he seemed more with it but couldn't remember anything about the ambulance and A&E.

Mid morning Wednesday I went home for a while for a change of clothes and to feed the cat and spoke to him later on the phone where he said he was very tired. I felt too tired to drive having had no sleep but wanted to go back and see him so got my Brother in Law to take me up in the evening. Col didn't seem too bad, just very tired so I went home again.

On Thursday morning I got a phone call  saying things were not looking good and I probably ought to come up straight away. When I got there they had moved him into a side room, our lovely hospital chaplain friend, who had got to know us well over the years had been sitting with him through the morning until I got there and soon the doctor who had been treating him at Ipswich through the last 2 years came and said there was nothing else they could do. What was so lovely was the doctor wasn't even on call but came specially to see us, he reassured me that bringing Col into hospital a couple of days earlier wouldn't have made any difference.
 The Graft Versus  Host disease had quickly taken hold of his whole body and his lungs were affected. He had no immune system left to fight it.   I called the children with the news, our son and youngest daughter in Suffolk got there very soon . Our eldest was able to drive up from Surrey arriving early evening. It was obvious that he was very, very ill. At first he knew I was there but later he didn't .
His sister and brother in law and brother also came in to see him.

Youngest daughter went home to look after Florence as her OH was working away and couldn't get home and eldest daughter and son stayed on recliner chairs in the family room and I had a folding bed beside Colin and stayed awake almost all night with him. He was on Oxygen and a painkiller pump to make things easier.

The nurses were so lovely and kind and on Friday morning told me it would probably be that day. Youngest daughter came back and our children and I sat with him through the morning  and my sister and brother in law called in to see him. Midday I sent the children down to the canteen to get something to eat and a while later his breathing became more shallow so I buzzed the nurse and he came and sat with us and said this was it. I texted the children to come back to the ward and they arrived just as he very peacefully stopped breathing. So we were all together and stayed with him for a long time.
So proud of our children for being there with me and for each other. Eldest daughter was able to stay with me at the cottage on Friday and Saturday night and then went back to Surrey, Grandson Jacob has Chicken Pox, poor little fella and I wanted her to get back to him as they were missing each other.

At the moment it doesn't seem quite real as I've been on my own so many times when Colin had been in hospital for weeks on end. I'm guessing it will hit me later. The funeral won't be for a few weeks because of another Bank holiday and various people being away. There are plenty of things to organise which will keep me very busy, as well as the garden which had been neglected for a week.

Thank you again to everyone for all your kind thoughts, it's wonderful to know how many people are thinking and caring.

Back with proper blogging soon..........it will be a little bit of normality.
Sue

205 comments:

  1. I am so very sorry for your loss Sue. All good wishes to you and your family. Rest in peace, Colin. "You were a good man and you did good things" Thomas Hardy.

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  2. So very sorry to hear your news, but glad that you and the family were able to be with Col. I am one of the many who has never met you, but feel as if I 'know' you. Wishing you strength and courage for the days ahead.

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  3. Bless you Sue, your almost daily lovely blogs and matter of fact posts about Col have made sure you've become part of our daily lives too. Sending you my best wishes and hopes for the strength to get you all through the next few weeks. xx

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  4. My sincere condolences Sue. Your treasured memories will keep his spirit alive so that the Grandchildren will know him in their hearts. Take care.

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  5. Sue, my heart is so sad for your loss, you are a strong woman, you gave the best care and support. Your family sound loving and close. Stay strong in the next few weeks, bloggers are always here for you. Thank you for this closure post.

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  6. Sue,when i read your sad news I was devastated for you and the Family.It will be a busy time getting things organised and its lovely that you have got your wonderful Family there.Colin must have been so proud and comforted knowing that his lovely Family were there with him.Your memories of all the times together,will stay in your heart forever.xxx

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  7. Sue, you have been a pillar of strength for your whole family, don't forget to take time out for yourself. Rest in peace Col.

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  8. I was so sorry to read about Col's death and although I don't always comment, I have followed your journey through and often think of you both and will continue to do so. Sending my condolences and all good thoughts to you and also to say that I so admire the way you have written and shared about this all the way through in the way that you have. Also to say that I am sure you know this, but whatever has gone and whatever is to come is totally right because it is what is right for you at that time. You said in your previous post that you were sad that your grandchildren will not know Col, and while they will not know him in person, I am sure that you will bring him to them and share all about what a wonderful husband and father and grandfather he was. Someone wise told me that you keep people alive by talking about them and that is what we do, as we often talk about those we have lost in our family. Sorry for the long comment. xx

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  9. Thank you for sharing this with us Sue. The hospital chaplain sounds lovely and many there obviously went the extra mile for you both. Thinking of you. Look after yourself xx

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  10. So sorry to hear of Colin's passing and wishing you and the family strength and love. Thank you for sharing with us the last few days - there will be many people who draw comfort from knowing a bit more about the way things may develop during a very serious illness.It was brave and generous of you.

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  11. So sorry for your loss Sue, I was so sad and upset to here about Col, he fought hard.
    Best wishes
    Marlene x

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  12. So very sorry for your loss. Glad your family could be with you and Col at the end. My thoughts are with you all.

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  13. So glad you could all be together.Thinking of you all. X

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  14. What a beautiful and moving post Sue. Was so sorry to hear of your loss, but you could all be with Col when he died
    Arilx

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  15. Again, so sorry for your loss, Sue. Yours is the first blog I go to (and then find new ones from your sidebar) and it really is a case of feeling that we know you through your blog, as many others have said. I am glad you could all be with Colin as he went and that the hospital were so lovely. Thank your for sharing with us all. My thoughts are with you all x

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  16. Dear Sue, thank you so much for sharing the last days of Col with all those who read your blog and know you through your lovely writings. I send my heartfelt condolences, no one could've done more for a dear husband and father than you and your family did for Col. My thoughts are with you and your family,
    Margaret P

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  17. So sad to hear the news. You have a lovely family who will help you through the coming weeks for sure. Take care.

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  18. Sending my deepest and sincere condolences on your loss. You've both fought this terrible disease with great courage and dignity and through sharing the experience on your blog, we've all come to know Col. Sending you hugs xx

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  19. Thinking of you. I too feel as if I know you and Col and I’m so sorry that you didn’t have more time together. Hugs xxx

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  20. So sorry for your loss, thinking of you all x

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  21. I am so sorry sue , Its amazing the power of bloggers glad you were able to see the posts and they pleased you , Take care , Eileen xxx

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  22. So sorry, Sue. Hugs.xxx

    Joan (Devon)

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  23. I hope that writing this has helped you Sue, like many of your readers I have followed Col's ups and downs. Having lost my husband to the beast that is Cancer I empathise and agree that it will hit you later. Take care of yourself. xx

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  24. Such a sad time for you at the moment, but you are a strong person and will keep yourself busy. Always talk about your lovely husband Colin as I believe he will be around with you in spirit sue. Sending you hugs and my sympathy, and thinking of you xxx

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  25. I am so very sorry to hear the news about Colin. You both fought this illness for so long. Thinking of you and your family xx

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  26. My sympathy to you and your family, Sue. I'm so very pleased you were able to be there all together as I know that would have meant a lot to you. Thank you for your honesty during yours and Col's journey and I hope this next part of your life is filled with wonderful memories of your time together.x

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  27. Also from me the deepest condolences. I wish you and your family lots of strength.

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  28. Hugs to you Sue. Such a hard time. You are all in our thoughts as you get through the next few weeks.

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  29. love to you and all your family, julie xxx

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  30. Probably the hardest and most beautiful thing you have written x

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  31. All my love to you Sue at this time. I'm thinking about you and all your family. Jane xx

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  32. Sending you all my love, and thank you for sharing it all with us. Elizabeth.

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  33. Made me cry reading that Sue. So glad everyone made it back in time. Our thoughts are with you.

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  34. So sad but equally so much love, please except my deepest sympathy x Jo

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  35. Like everyone else, my deepest sympathy and thoughts are with you and your family. Keep strong. Love Andie xxx

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  36. Thank you for sharing this with us Sue,my heart grieves for you. Take care of yourself. at such times,I have found gardening a great healer, even though you may resent the fact that Col will not see it developed as you planned together xxx Kathy

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  37. I am so very sorry for the loss of your wonderful Col. Know that you and your family are in my thoughts Sue. Sending love and strength. X

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  38. So sorry to hear your sad news Sue. My condolences to you and all the family. PatC x

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  39. I have never seem Blogland quite like it has been these last few days. You and Col have a very special place and your story has moved SO many of us. Take care of yourself.

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  40. Oh Sue, thank you for sharing this most intimate time with us and telling the truth, not washing over it. The most anyone can hope for is a good death. It sounds as though with his families presence and a good medical team this is indeed what Colin had. Sometimes we just want the world to stop turning for a bit and to wait for us to want to climb back on. It doesn't do that though for anyone. I'm sure working in your garden and spending time in Colin's Birthday Wood will slowly help you to heal. Sending the squishiest hugs imaginable. xx

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  41. So very sorry to read this news Sue, I am so glad that you were all able to be together at the end and appreciate you sharing your's and Col's story with us. Take care of yourself.

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  42. Sending love x

    Sarah (Womanarchy)

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  43. Thinking of you. So sad.

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  44. Sue, you've share yours and Col life with us all through the good and sad times. You've earned a special place in so many of our life's in blog land. You've been in my thoughts since Thursday when you said Col wasn't good and Friday's sad post was a shock. So sorry that you've lost Col but you've got the most wonderful memories to share with the little ones. Take care I've loved yours and Col's adventure over both your blog's xx

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  45. I have no wise words to say, only that we are so very sorry and send our love across the seas to you from Australia

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  46. Thank you for this beautiful, heartbreaking entry and I am so glad if the writing of it has helped you. I'm also glad that the things some of us have written in our blogs also helped. You are in our hearts and thoughts in these ongoing weeks and months, you and your family.
    J xxx

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  47. So very sorry for your loss Sue. Sending love. X

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  48. I am so glad all your family were able to get to the hospital to see Colin.Take time for yourself Sue,you have been the most wonderful example to us all.

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  49. Dear Sue

    I haven't been following your blog for very long but knew from your previous posts how things were looking. I am so sorry that Colin has passed away but I am sure you and the children will continue to be strong in the coming weeks.
    Mitzi

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  50. Have been reading your blog for a long time & never commented before! I am so sorry for your loss & so glad you &the family were with him to the end! My heartfelt condolences.x

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  51. Sorry for your loss, It was good to all be there at the end. Comfort in family.

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  52. You have been so brave for so long, and sharing Col's passing with us is one more act of great courage. I was in tears just reading it, and can only begin to imagine how it was for you all.

    I hope that the happy memories will gradually balance the sad ones, and that the record you have kept on your blog brings some comfort for you.

    You are in my thoughts and I hope that the comments from all your blogging friends will help you through this. Jennie xx

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  53. My heart goes out to you and the family.

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  54. I am so sorry for your loss Sue and family. Hope sharing has helped just a little, you are one brave lady.

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  55. So sorry. You have a wonderful close family to hold each other up through this sadness. You made memories together that last forever.

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  56. I am sorry he has passed but grateful you were all with him. You should find some comfort knowing you did everything you could to support his fight and to have so much fun together for so long. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

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  57. Having lost my own husband six and a half years ago to cancer (with almost two years of grade four cancer suffering beforehand and a roller coaster of being in and out of hospitals and hospice throughout) I really feel for you Sue. Be strong and take comfort in having such a lovely husband.
    My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

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  58. My condolences to you and your family. I lost my husband just over a year ago at the age of 57 to cancer so I understand what you are going through.

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  59. I am so sorry for your loss. I felt as though I got to know Col as I read your blog and his journey with cancer. I am so glad you could all be there at the end. I've been thinking of you since you posted. Stay strong, Sue. My thoughts are with you at this difficult time.

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  60. My condolences to you all

    Julie xxxxx

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  61. Hello sue,
    I send you my most heartfelt sympathies.
    You have been the most stalwart of women. I have no idea how you have coped.
    Thinking of you and wishing you well. Xx

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  62. We all read your blog and willed Col to get better, rooting for him at every stage but sadly he has passed. Your blog about your life with Col the country will be a diary for your grandchildren to read in the future.They will get to know him through your words. My condolences to you and your family. Tx

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  63. My heart goes out to you and your family, Sue. I am so sorry for your loss. Take care and ask for help if you need to. -Jenn

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  64. You've been on my mind. Across an ocean and only knowing you and Col through a blog I've followed for less than a year, but I am still thinking of you often. You have my sincere condolences.

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  65. During the last few days, you, Col, and your family have never been far from my thoughts, so I am very grateful that you have taken the time to write this down. The reaction of blogland is but a small reflection of how much we think of you. xx

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  66. I've thought of you and your family so many times during the past few days - we've never met, but thank you for letting us share your life. My deepest sympathy to you from US.

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  67. I'm so sorry to hear. I've just started following you, but feel I know you already. You will be having some hard times, but it's best to focus on the good times you and Colin shared.

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  68. So sorry when I read your previous post. You are an amazing, strong woman. Much sympathy and love....you've lots of support going forward.

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  69. So sorry for your loss. I have read your blog daily for a long time now, although I rarely comment. I hope your happy memories and your strong family bonds will sustain you at this difficult time. As others have said your grand children will know Col through you and through their parents, he will always be in your heart. Thinking of you, Vee x

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  70. Sue so very sorry for your loss. Take care.
    Karen.

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  71. Condolences... I don't comment a lot but I have been following for few years back, thank you for sharing this post with us. Sending love your way.

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  72. Sue, you know we are thinking of you and family. David and I are always on call to help out if you or h need it. Chris x

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  73. So very sorry on your loss of Col. He suffered so and his pain is now over. That you were all together at the end was a blessing.

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  74. My deepest condolences to you and your entire family on the loss of your husband and their father. My heart goes out to you all. God keep and bless you all.
    Dawn Pinnataro Albany, Georgia USA

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  75. ((((Hugs))))

    Take care
    Cathy

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  76. So sorry for your loss Sue. Glad that Col passed peacefully and that you and your family were able to be with him. Hugs to all.

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  77. What a moving post, thank you for sharing. Rest in peace Col; and live in peace Sue.
    Kitty in the Forest xx

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  78. So sorry for your loss and glad that you could all be with him. I am thinking of you all.

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  79. Along with your many blogland friends I send my love to you and your family Sue. All of you have been so much in my thoughts these last days. As others have said we feel we know you and are close to you.
    I do hope that the support of everyone who knows you will bring comfort and help you in some way.
    I have followed your blog for a long time now and rarely comment, but so enjoy your writing and down to earth approach to life.
    I certainly have drawn a lot of good vibes from you.
    Thank for sharing the events of last week and writing in such a beautiful way. I am sure that will help others who may be in a similar position.
    I wish you strength and peace in the coming days and weeks, I am glad you have your family around you.
    Please keep on blogging, we all appreciate your writing so much.
    Love from Pam in Texas.xx

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  80. I am so sorry Sue. Thank you for sharing the details of Colin's last days. It was heart warming to read of your family and their support and love during the those final days. When I read your initial post I think I like many of your followers carried you and your family in my heart wishing there was something more tangible we could do other than offering a virtual hug and a friendly word. I have been so touched by your words your love of family and of Colin and the support from the staff at the hospital has been very moving. All good wishes for the time ahead. Jean/Winnipeg

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  81. So sorry to hear the sad news, but what a comfort that you were all able to be together at the end. I wish you all strength over the coming weeks.

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  82. Have been thinking of you since I heard your sad news, another cancer widow here, my grandchildren have been my salvation, I hope yours are. Take care of yourself.

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  83. I'm so sorry for your loss. It sounds like Col had a loving family and the best care. I wish you all the best and strength moving forward without your wonderful husband.

    Helen

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  84. I have been thinking of you all since the news of Colin’s death. Although we have never met I felt as if I knew you. Colin’s struggle with this awful disease has been so brave and you have been a magnificent support to him and the rest of the family. Take special care of yourself during this very sad time. With love.

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  85. So very sorry to hear this sad news. 10 years ago my brothers and I were together for the last days of my Dad - it helped at the time and still binds us together. Thank you for keeping all your many followers informed - you have both been a source of inspiration.

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  86. I am sorry for your loss of dear Colin. I cried when I read your post. You both clearly were well like and thought of by the treating doctors and everyone your path crossed. I sincerely hope your lovely hospital chaplain friend was a comfort sitting with Colin.

    Praying for peace and strength for you and family at this time.

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  87. I've been reading your posts, following you from your old blog to the current one, but haven't often left a comment. The sharing of daily life by a good writer draws others in, makes us feel that we have 'met' you and your family.
    Reading of Col's long battle has reminded me of several family members whose lives ended too soon due to various forms of cancer.
    At a certain point I think one knows that recovery isn't possible, yet we go on hoping for a cure.
    In addition to the support of family it sounds as though you had an attentive and caring medical team who doubtless feel the loss of Col very personally.
    Be kind to yourself in these days of learning life without your dear companion. Thank you for sharing with your readers.

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  88. Sue, I am so sorry for your loss but I'm glad your family could be together with him at the end. He is in a better place and I believe that.

    I started reading your blog the last year you were at the small holding and have followed you since then. One time you put a link to Col's Facebook page and I've been reading that, too, including his post only a week before he passed. Even though we have never met, I have kept Col and you in my prayers almost every day.

    I lost my mom in November after caring for her for many years. Only now does it feel real.

    You are a very, very strong lady Sue and I'm glad you have most of your family near you. My love to you from America.

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  89. Thank you Sue for your very moving account of the last few days. Col had a loving and caring family and our precious NHS also did its best for him. As another blogger has said 'Be kind to yourself' You have been there for Col every step of the way. Look forward to hearing from you again when you are ready. Best wishes Jan Butcherx.

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  90. Praying for your family. Life with cancer is horrible. Cheryl

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  91. Joining all the others in sending love from our family to yours. I've been reading your blog for years and think now of Colin's Birthday Wood... how those trees will grow as your grandchildren also grow, and be a reminder of his life and his love for you all. Thank you for sharing your journey with Non Hodgkins Lymphoma, and for sharing your life with all of us readers.

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  92. My thoughts have been with you and your family at this sad time. Col is at peace now and you can stroll around his wood remembering happy days and adventures you shared. You have lots to keep you busy and a wonderful young family to support you. Sending love and hugs from Lyme Regis.

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  93. Sending you my thoughts and prayers as you and your family travel this path. I am so glad you have family close by to help and support each other.

    God bless.

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  94. Sincere condolences. The pair of you have been inspirational, please take care of yourself and let the family love you. Lesley

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  95. So very sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you.

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  96. What a moving post - it reduced me to tears. Your grandchildren will get to know Col because you and your children will keep him alive with your memories. You have been amazingly strong throughout and you must remember to look after yourself as well. Rest in peace Col.

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  97. Sue, sending you my sincere condolences.

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  98. My heart goes out to you Sue. Sending deepest condolences from the USA

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  99. I cried Sue, and we have never met nor probably will. I follow your blog and am so sorry you have lost your Colin. Hugs from a stranger. Bev x

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  100. Sending you love Sue. Colin sounded like such a dear person. So sorry he had to go through all this. You have been a wonderful wife to him, and he knew it. Condolences to you and all your family.

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  101. All the above comments are just how I feel too. Col was a special individual and I'm glad at least his passing was peaceful. It will take time to adjust to life without him. Strange and different but you will go on, as we all do, until it's our time.

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  102. I have not commented before but have been reading your blog for quite awhile. I feel that I know you both from your writing. My condolences to you and your family.

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  103. I'm so very sorry for you loss, Sue. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

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  104. I have been without a computer for over a week, and was filled with great sadness for you when I came across this post today. You have been a wonderfully supportive partner to your beloved husband for such a long time, a thing that I am sure he very much appreciated.
    I am pleased that you had such wonderful care from the hospital staff, chaplain, and the supportive love of all your family.
    My thoughts are with you at this very difficult time.

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  105. Thinking of you Sue. You were both a shining example of 'just getting on with things' during Col's illness and the house moves. I'm glad you were all able to be together at the end. You and Col touched the lives of many of us. Xx

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  106. So sorry Sue - such sad news after a long hard battle - sending hugs, prayers and thoughts xx

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  107. So sorry for your loss Sue. You and Col have been so brave. Your memories of your happy life together will be with you always.

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  108. I'm so very sorry Sue . You both certainly fought a good fight. Look after yourself. Sheila x

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  109. So very sorry for you and your family's loss.
    I will be lighting a candle for you all.

    gayle xx

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  110. Dear Sue, my thoughts have been with you since I heard your lovely Col had passed; so very sad (cried a lot and I never even met you both) sending love and strength to you xx

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  111. Sue, we've been praying for you and your family in loss of Col. I nearly commented on an earlier blog post but didn't. I think I read your other post while on vacation visiting my blogger friend Betsy in Spokane. So glad to know your family was able to be there for you! Many his love and life thru your years together bring many memories to u from now on. So thankful for the promise of heaven. Hugs!🍰🌷🌈 God be with you thru this time of loss of Col.

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  112. As Peter Marshall said long ago:
    "Those we love are with the Lord and the Lord has promised to be with us. If they are with Him, and He is with us, they cannot be far away."

    Wishing you , comfort, joy in the good memories you have of your decades with dear Col.

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  113. Sue, such a heartfelt and moving post. So glad that all the family could be there on the last days. You have been so strong for everyone and you will be in the next two weeks. I hope that you can take time after the funeral to just let go and start the grieving process. Sending you much love at this very difficult time. I'm so sorry.

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  114. So sorry for your loss Sue. You have both been very brave. So nice that all the family could be together with you and Colin. Sending love to you all.

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  115. I’m glad you wrote it all down. I’m carrying you in my heart.

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  116. So sorry for your loss. I am full of admiration for how strong you have been. Many people are carrying you in their thoughts and hearts.

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  117. Sue I am so very sorry to read of the loss of your wonderful Col. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

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  118. Sending you my heartfelt condolences. May his memory be eternal. Pat

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  119. Thank you for sharing so much with us. I am so very sorry for your loss.

    Blogland really has been a somber place this past few days, as we have all come to terms with losing someone we didn't even know in 'real life'. Your optimistic and positive posts have taught us all so much about living the very best life that it's possible to live.

    I'm glad all the family could be with you both, and only wish there was more we could do to help. Xx

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  120. Sue thank you for sharing with us. You and your family are a wonderful tribute to Col with the love, strength and togetherness you share. I am so very sorry you've had to go through this. My brother died from Mantle Cell Lymphoma and it is indeed one of the nastiest of cancers. It will hit you in stages and you are a strong woman but please take time for yourself to grieve in whatever manner is best for you. I send all my love and sympathies to you and your dear family.

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  121. Sue, I am so very sorry for your loss. Felt quite humbled reading this, thank you for sharing at what has got to be such a difficult time. x

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  122. You are so brave, Sue and so was Col. So sorry for your loss.

    Jane

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  123. I have never met you but read your blog every day. God Bless you all I am praying for you and your family.

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  124. Sue, I send you my sincere condolences. When you told us that Col had died and that his grandchildren are too young to remember him, I cried for your sadness. They may not remember him but they will know him because you and your children will tell them his stories and when they are old enough, they will be able to read this blog and all you have recorded here. I am glad Col had you and your children with him at the last, and that you had each other. x

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  125. Thank you so much for sharing, Sue. My deepest condolences. Sandra

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  126. Thinking of you my dear. I am glad you found the messages left on my blog for you. You have so many of us who care - and that will help. As you know, I've been there twice myself and for a week or two it all seems a bit unreal - stay with it and let things just take their time. There is a lot of love around you - make the very most of it. Love x

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  127. Such sad news Sue. You and your family have all been in my thoughts. I'm glad you were all able to be with Col during his last moments and I hope that brings some comfort to you. xx

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  128. Oh Sue,

    I am so sorry to hear of your sad news. Colin seemed like such a lovely man and I wish he had had a little longer with you all.

    The way you have described his death was very moving and sounded so familiar to my mum's in 2009. We got to the hospital after she had died but the few days before her death she was just very tired and sleeping most of the time.


    I was so glad you were able to be with him at the end; I always think it is a privilege to witness a person's last moments especially someone as dearly loved as your husband.

    My sincere condolences,
    xx

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  129. Pat (in West Suffolk)16 May 2018 at 18:58

    I can only repeat what everyone else is saying. I read your words with tears in my eyes so had to come back later to read all the comments. God bless you, Sue.

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  130. So very sorry to hear your sad news Sue. I have been through similar loss of loved ones, it is so difficult. Hold on to your family memories, and take care of yourself. My condolences, Carol x

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  131. Sue, I sat and cried when I read your message, I am so sorry, you and Colin fought a hard fight, I am sorry it was not one you were able to win. He is at peace now and it was wonderful that the family could be with him at the end, you were both so brave. Our thoughts and prayers are with you all at this vert sad time.

    Anne.

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  132. Sending you much love and thinking of you and your family , Shelly xx

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  133. Sue I am sincerely sorry for your loss. I am happy that your family was there with him when he left this plane of existence. I lost my mom 3 months ago and every day has been one step ahead of the other. I wish you peace and happiness.

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  134. I am so sorry for your loss Sue. This caught me off guard as I had just lost another long-time online acquaintance. Even tho we feel prepared for what is to come, it is still hard. I am so glad you have family close for support. I have so enjoyed getting to know you and Col over the years and I will miss him.
    With Love, Prayers and very kind regards,
    Lynn

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  135. As a rather recent reader, I want to add my condolences to the others. I'm so very sorry for your loss. It is good that you and the children were there together as Colin passed. Praying for comfort for you all.

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  136. I'm another one who has cried. Colin was a lovely man.
    Writing it all down as you have is, I think, a great help, and will be good to look back on whenever you need to. (Only recently I re-read what I wrote when Bill died six years ago, and I'm so glad I'd done that.)
    Love and hugs, Mary xx

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  137. My condolences to you and your family. A long time follower.
    KJ

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  138. So glad you were all able to be with Col as he left his earthly life. My thoughts have been with you each day since I heard your sad news, and thank you for feeling we are your friends even though we have never met. Keep strong as we know you will.

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  139. Dear Sue
    I've thought about you often since you let us all know about Colin's passing. I will be doing something and you will just pop into my head and I will think "I wonder how Sue is doing?"
    Or I will think about something funny or sweet Col said about some of our comments as he often read them.
    You've shared your life with us, your many readers, and we are all with you now.

    Fondly,
    Debra

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  140. So very sorry to hear your news but I hope you and the family take comfort in his peaceful passing and the many wonderful years you have had to gether. My husband also has lymphoma and you have been an inspiration. He will live on in his grandchildren. Mx

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  141. My thoughts and love are with you. Thank you for your bravery and sharing.

    Long-time reader, first time commentator.

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  142. I have never commented on any blog before but do want you to know how much I have enjoyed your posts on your everyday life and how I admired the way you both coped with Col's illness. I do hope you will continue to be sustained by the love and support of your family and by the memories of your life with Col and your love for each other. Blessings. Lucy.

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  143. With sincere sympathy, Sue. May your many treasured memories comfort you. Eloise

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  144. I want to go like Col did. Never met you but love you.

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  145. My condolences to you and your family on this great loss. So glad to hear that your children were with you and Col. Many many people all round the world are holding you in love and care I am one of them. Take time and take care of yourself.

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  146. I can only echo other comments. I was very sorry to hear your your sad news and have been thinking of you and your family.
    Frances SW

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  147. My sincere sympathy to you, all your family and friends. May you all take comfort in the time you shared with Col.

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  148. So sorry to hear of Col's passing. My love and thoughts are with you and the family at this sad time.

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  149. I have followed your account of coping with Colin's illness and admire how brave you have both been.It will be hard without him but your strength and your family will help, I hope.
    My condolences.

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  150. Many years ago, in 1971, I lost my husband, then age 28, to Histiocytic Reticulum Cell Sarcoma, a rare form of Non Hodgkins Lymphoma.....We fought for 6 months but to no avail..Back then, there was almost nothing known about non Hodgkins Lymphoma...I just wish to send my thoughts and prayers to you and your family now and let you know I am thinking of you all.....I started reading your blog just recently .....I found you from "The Weaver of Grass" blog. God bless you all.

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  151. Glad that your family were all able to be there with you both a the end - they must have been a comfort.
    Please look after yourself.

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  152. I am so sorry, having followed your blog for quite some time. Wishing you strength to get through the next few weeks.

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  153. May the love of your family be wrapped around you at this sad time. Deepest sympathy,
    Joolz xx

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  154. I just began reading your lovely blog a few weeks ago and was shocked to hear of Colin's death. I want to thank you so much for being so forthcoming and sharing so much of what happened. In the blogging world, one really becomes attached to the people one reads about regularly. It's truly wonderful that you care enough about your readers to let them in on this very personal crisis in your life. Blessings to you and all your family.

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  155. Sue and all your family. My sincere condolences to you all - I'm so very sorry to hear about the loss of your wonderful Colin. I wish you blessings and strength. My deepest sympathy.

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  156. My sympathy to you and your family, Sue. Wishing you strength and peace as you travel this road.

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  157. So sorry to hear of your loss. May God bless you and your family. I am very grateful for your generosity in sharing your life with us.

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  158. I am sorry for your loss.

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  159. I'm sending healing thoughts and good wishes to you and your family. A very rough time for you all. We're all here for you, my dear. ((hugs)), Teresa :-)

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  160. So sorry to hear of your loss. My deepest sympathy to you and your family. It is comforting to have your family at thus sad time. Hugs from a blog reader.
    Robyn

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  161. Sending you my condolences. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

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  162. So sad. He was amazing and will live on in mine and my children's hearts. Take care and be gentle on yourself, you don't need to be wonder woman! Let the family look after you and let time do its job.

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  163. Sorry for your loss. It's good to write things down as later details get forgotten and you can refer back. Be kind to yourself, accept all help offered.

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  164. (((Hugs))) to you all. "Looking back give thanks, looking forward take courage". One day at a time and sometimes one minute at a time. Keeping you in my prayers x

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  165. So sorry for your loss sending you sincere condolences x

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  166. I was so sad to hear this news. Sending you virtual hugs. xx

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  167. So sorry to read your news of Col, Sue. Sending my deepest sympathies to you and your family. Take care. Meg Xx

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  168. So sorry to read this, Sue. My heart is heavy for you, and I hold you and your family in my prayers.

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  170. I was so sorry to hear your news, Sue. Thank you for posting this and I’m glad it has helped to set it all down “on paper”. Col faced his end with dignity and peace and with his family around him - what more can each of us ask for. Take care and a big (((hug))) from me. x

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  171. So very, very sad for your loss Sue.
    I am holding you in my heart and thoughts.
    Love and Hugs to you and the family-x-

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  172. Am not a blogger but have enjoyed reading your blog for some time.Was so sad to hear about Col's death. Love to you and your family. Annax

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  173. So sad, hope Sue and your children will remember the good days
    Hazel

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  174. So sorry to hear the news. I grew to ‘know’ you and your family through this blog. We’re all behind you, sending good thoughts and prayers.

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  175. I’m sorry to hear this sad news, and that the end came so quickly. Take care, and remember the good times.

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  176. With this post you have again demonstrated the courage and honesty that has endeared you to so many of us.
    It is such a privilege to be trusted with the last few days of Colin's life and to hear about the lovely people who cared for you while you were at the hospital.
    As many have said take time to breathe now; sit in the sunshine, listen to the birds, potter on your land and be kind to yourself.
    Accept offers of help. It helps people to help you at this time.
    Thank you for all that you do through your blog. Sue

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  177. I'm so sorry for your loss. I wish there were magic words to say that would help but each of us grieves in their own way. Just know that you are loved by all of us that read your Blog and that we too will grieve for news of Collin. Prayers for all of you

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  178. Sue,
    I was so sorry to read your post of last Saturday, and shed more than a few tears at the sad news.
    Col and you both stayed so positive, and fought so hard, but tragically there are some battles which just cannot be won.
    I lost my mum to CMML, and will be forever grateful to have been with her as she passed. If I hadn't been there with her, I would never have known just how peaceful an end of life can be. Like Colin, she was on a syringe driver for pain relief, and just drifted off into the deepest sleep on a fluffy cloud of morphine. I could not have asked for better for her.
    I'm not a 'believer' as such, but I know without a doubt that Jacob, Florence and Willow have an amazing Guardian Angel watching over them.
    Those whom we love and who love us are always with us, in our hearts and minds, and Colin will never be far from you and your family.
    Take care of yourself, knowing Col is at peace, with no more pain or suffering.
    Colette.

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  179. I was so sorry to hear the sad news of Col's passing. He fought a good, hard battle and you both were so strong and positive in the face of such illness. You will be in my thoughts and prayers. Sincere condolences to you and your family. From Nanny Anny in Canada.

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  180. Hello Sue, I'm a new visitor here so don't know your story as such, but wanted to send you a virtual hug and some warm thoughts xxxxx

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  181. Hello Sue, So sorry to hear your sad news, have followed your blog for a long time but never posted, Sending you our condolences to you and your family, and a virtual hug.

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  182. Beaming you all my love to you and your family. We will be here when you want us. Sol xxx

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  183. I'm so sorry Sue xx

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  184. I'm so sorry to hear this. Sending virtual hugs x

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  185. So lovely to hear from you again so soon with your story of Colin's last few days. Such a sad time but I am so pleased for you and Colin that all your family could be together at the end to say goodbye.
    Take care and I will be thinking of you as you now prepare for your next stage of life's journey and I hope you will continue to write and tell us about your daily ups and downs.
    Virtual hugs - Viv xx

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  186. Sue, God gave you tremendous strength in adversity, and the ability to see and write of blessings in the midst of it, especially time Colin had with family. Thank you for writing about what an amazing warrior and husband Colin was, from fighting that horrible disease to planting trees and making sure you have firewood for winter. Take care, sending much love and keeping you in prayer.

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  187. Thank you so much for writing this post and all the others on this journey you and Colin took together ! Please know that we are thinking of you and your family in this little corner of blogland.

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  188. So sorry to hear this, have followed your blog and your cancer journey for quite a while now. It is comforting he was surrounded by his family and love at the last. Sending you hugs x

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  189. He knew how much he was loved and you also knew how much he loved you and his family. I'm so sorry for your loss.

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  190. I only know you from your blog, but have prayed for you and Colin many times. You were a wonderful caring wife, and have a great family, and a really tough journey which you made so well.

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  191. Oh Sue, I'm so sorry for your loss.
    Prayers for you and your family - so glad you were all able to be there with him.

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  192. So sorry to read your sad news. Your blog is always inspirational. The actions of the hospital staff show how highly Col was regarded. Sending hugs x

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  193. Sending love and special thoughts to you all. I was very sad and upset reading about Col, take good care Sue♥ Linda xxx

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  194. So sorry to hear that you have lost your lovely Col. I don't often comment on blogs but I lost my DH to mesothelioma (asbestos cancer) five years ago. He passed over 7 weeks after being diagnosed. It's very unreal at first and you can't quite believe they aren't coming back. Take time to grieve, I still have my watery eye moments, people understand and are a lot kinder than you can imagine. Take care, Jan xx

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  195. I'm so sorry. It was lovely to read how your family came together to be with him, and I'm sure he knew you were with him in the end, even if he was asleep.

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  196. I’m so sorry to hear of Colin’s passing. But boy what a life you had together! You really achieved things and sounded like a great team. Take care of yourself now Sue xx

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