I had a phone call from an unknown number last week, it told me my first husband who I'd been briefly in contact with a couple of years ago, after a gap of nearly 50 years, had died in hospital. He lost his driving licence due to drink driving at the end of 2024 and I only heard from him a couple of times after that, but he must have kept my phone number in his phone. His current and third wife, who he'd also split up from, said he had been ill since February. He was 71 - same age as me........
He didn't remember anything about our 7 years together, was as hopeless with money as he'd been 50 years ago and having left wife #3 was living in one rented room with a shared kitchen and bathroom, he had very little contact with his two sons and grandchildren (from the wife after me), told me several lies and didn't have many interests. We had even less in common than we had in the 1970s.
So why do I feel sad to hear of his death?
Because he meant something to you all those years ago and in 7 years you will have lots of memories, maybe even a few good ones, he was part of your life. You had such a wonderful life with Colin, so many happy memories and your lovely offspring, perhaps the contrast makes you realise how very lucky you were. Your first husband sounds discontented and selfish, traits which you don’t possess at all. I’ve lost a few childhood/teenage friends recently and it is sad, shared memories with no one to share them with. Have a quiet day then hug a g.child, whilst they are still smaller than you! Take care, Sarn Browne.
ReplyDeleteAgree with Sarah and would add that as loved ones with a zest for life die prematurely the death of someone who hadn’t made the most of what they had is so poignant
ReplyDeleteAlways read you, thanks for your blog
A part of your life has disappeared I suppose. Feeling sad for others is a good thing by the way, it means forgiveness as well.
ReplyDeleteIn agreement with both the comments above. Feeling sad too for wife #3, having to contact people with the news, and probably make the arrangements. Never an easy task, but harder when the deceased has not been the best of characters.
ReplyDeleteIt's a natural feeling as he was once part of your life, for good or bad. A shame he didn't improve with keeping so his other wives didn't have a positive experience either . . . I felt a little this way when I found out my first husband had died, not that long after Keith.
ReplyDeleteThank heavens you had Colin and such a wonderful life with him.
Even if you don't consciously think it, you will be grieving for what might have been if he didn't turn out the way he did. Wives no 2 and 3 are probably feeling much the same way. It's sad to think that he threw his chances of happiness away.
ReplyDeleteI think we mourn the loss of potential. We see what could have been, with others if not with ourselves, and are sad that someone still hadn't managed to make a good life.
ReplyDeleteIt’s natural to feel sad. You have a shared history, you were partners for a few years so you have memories of your time together. Perhaps also it’s a sadness for him, for the life he could have had. It sounds like he had a sad life.
ReplyDeleteIt's natural to feel sad, he was a part of your life for 7 years and you must have loved him, or at least liked him a lot all those years ago.
ReplyDeleteI didn’t know you were married previously - you must have been very young when you first married.
ReplyDeleteI think it’s natural to feel sad when someone we once cared for dies.
Met at 16, married at 20 and at 23 he went off with a fellow bellringer!
DeleteHe was part of your life and it’s natural that you will reflect on your years together and feel sad that he seems to have wasted his life. Take care. Catriona
ReplyDeleteI feel sorry for him without even knowing him... and he doesn't sound like someone many people would find easy ro live with. It's always sad to think of someone who could have been so much more, but ended up making so many people, including himself probably, unhappy.
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