My Mum would have been 100 today but she died in 1999 a few months before her 73rd birthday..
She was the second oldest in a family of 6 children although her youngest brother died very young from leukemia . Her Dad worked in dusty conditions and smoked untipped cigarettes and was often ill. Their was no spare cash. I know Mum said that all three girls passed the 11 Plus to go to Grammar School and uniform was a struggle.
She was so beautiful - this photo has no date but she looks to be 14 ish?
She left school and went to work at ICI in Stowmarket.(They made paint and other chemicals) She worked as a chemist testing paints and colours. Met my dad there - he was a engineer machinist.
There's a date on the back of this one - June 12th 1949
1951
We never had one of those close Mum/Daughter relationships. I think she was forever changed by the death of my real Dad in 1954 just before I was born, when they had only been married for 3 years.
1955
She married his older brother in 1958. She said she knew he would look after us - I don't think they were ever incredibly happy. He worked 5½ days a week in his builder business and I think my Mum was bored. She didn't drive and didn't really have an outlet for her intelligence.
In the 1970's she developed Rheumatoid Arthritis in all her joints, back then there wasn't any good treatment and it gradually got worse. I think she gave up wanting to move as it was so painful and that meant her muscles all gave up too. By the time our eldest daughter was born in 1980 she already found it too difficult and painful to have a baby on her lap - a huge regret.
She also had breast cancer but after a mastectomy she wouldn't have any more treatment and hated any fuss being made. She never even mentioned she'd had cancer and always reckoned there were people worse off than she was.
After hip replacements and then frequent infections in the wounds, so they never healed, she eventually had both hip joints removed and of course was then stuck in a chair, using a hoist to move- she Hated being reliant on Dad to help her but carers were forever changing - and never knew how to operate the hoist so she was stuck being reliant.
It was years after she died and Dad was in hospital that they discovered he was a carrier of MRSA so had possibly been reinfecting Mum for years. So sad.
She would have hated anyone to see this photo - Sorry Mum. The only way the children remember her was sat in her chair in the living room. That's sad too. This photo from 1995 ish.
Thank goodness treatment for both Rheumatoid Arthritis and Breast Cancer have improved since then.
Your poor Mum, I'm so sorry.
ReplyDeleteMy Mum would have been 102 last month, she was the 6th child in a family of 7, and died just before her 67th birthday. Many women of that generation really did cope with difficulties we cannot imagine. Lack of money in childhood, all the struggles of the war years (separation from loved ones, bereavement, rationing etc) and although they saw the start of the NHS, so many medical discoveries came too late for them. But they were strong characters, and loving mothers, determined to give their children the opportunities they missed. My girls only remember their Nana as an old lady always in her chair/wheelchair. But we look at the older photos and talk about the times before. Thank you for sharing your memories ❤️
ReplyDeleteOne of my uncles worked at the Stow market ICI factory in the 1950s/60s when it was still thriving. His house was always well painted from the factory discards.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing this personal story about your mother. I agree with Angela, sometimes we can't imagine how tough life was for women of that generation. It certainly puts things in perspective. Those quiet lives teach us a lot.
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My mother would have been 102 now but died in 2000 from bowel cancer which she ignored for too long. She favoured her son very much but he and his family emigrated to USA in 1997, so my husband, daughter and I were the ones who helped her through the three years of her illness. Catriona
ReplyDeleteIt's funny, we only remember our parents when they "had" us. But they had lives and dreams before children and then came duty to take care of them and raise a household. Which I think they wanted to do but they often forgot about their dreams. This is pertaining to my mom, of course. She loved freedom. Freedom to fly a plane, jump OUT of a plane and do whatever life had to offer. I think she gave a lot of that up to have children and get married. Do what was expected of her. Let me express, she loved us though and never harbored any ill thoughts, except maybe the teenage years, lol, because she was an only child. She WANTED children, someone to play with. She didn't let that stop her when we all left the nest. She ended up doing a lot of those things even in her aging years! My very all over the place point I think, is that our parents were totally different people when they were growing up! I often wish I could go and live in THEIR time, hearing about their dreams, thoughts, etc. These are just my thoughts about it.....
ReplyDeleteLife was so different for women back then. I like the photo of your Mom on her wedding day - so beautiful and so happy.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing these memories. Your Mum had such a hard life starting with the death of your Dad, which must have devasted her. I absolutely love the photo of her in 1949, before their marriage, when life must have held so many hopes and ideas for the future. My parents met at work too, I think a lot of people did back in the day didn't they. xx
ReplyDeleteThank you for your lovely memories of your Mum. It would have been my Dad's 97th birthday today. He died in 2022, so I had him for a long time. He was an only child of a youngish Mum and his Dad was about 50. He went to Archbishop Tennyson Grammar School in London as he'd passed his 11+. Had a good career as an engineer for various aircraft/submarine companies. He was a true gent. Xx
ReplyDeleteWhat a life. Thanks for sharing. People think the good old days were wonderful - not so as your Mom's story shows.
ReplyDeleteYour Mum was a beautiful woman. It is so sad that she lost her husband (your Dad) so young. This had to alter her life and yours in so many ways.
ReplyDeleteStruggling with health issues, some caused by the MRSA is also sad.
Thank you for sharing. I am sure all these experiences shaped your life as well. Life is not fair and carrying on is not easy, but we do the best we can.
Thank you for sharing about your courageous Mum, as I age I think that is what I dread most being reliant on others. x
ReplyDeleteThey certainly were a tough generation, the Depression/WWII generation. Didn't want to "be a bother" didn't complain, just got in with it. I think it made them pretty tough with their kids, even as they loved them.
ReplyDeleteMy mother died just a few weeks before Covid arrived in Australia, for which we are all profoundly grateful. While she didn't have dementia, she was in her 90s so could be a little forgetful. I don't know that she (or we, for that matter) would have coped with not being able to visit her in the Aged Care facility, and not being with her as she died would have done me in.
My thoughts are with everyone missing their mums!
Thank you for sharing your Mom's story with us all.
ReplyDeleteGod bless.
What a sad story. My grandmother was also housebound. I never remember her out of her rocking chair for all my years.
ReplyDeleteYour dad was asymptomatic then for his MRSA? What a sho king thing to learn. Medicine has progressed so much...and yet we have 'experts' who will undo all that progress.
What a lot of challenges she weathered! Not many options for a young widow in her situation. I am sure she did what she thought was best and probably your stepfather did as well.
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