............is very enjoyable on a blue sky sunny day but my thoughts were worrying . ( Not worrying in a really worried sort-of way, just in an "I need to sort this out" kind of way)
When Colin died 4 years ago I was 63 and remember saying to someone that if I kept well I might live for another 15 or 20 years on my own and whatever would I do with myself? It seemed such a frightening prospect.
Another thought came to me, something a friend, who developed MS much too young and was quite poorly right from the start, said to me at the beginning of her long battle. She said "it was important not to give up and retire too early" - she kept going out and about when ever she was well enough right to the end of her life.
One of the things I had written in my diary for last weekend was Open Gardens In Eye, but in the end I didn't go -it didn't appeal enough to take me out on my own. But that made me think about J. Her husband P. was Col's boss for a long time in the Suffolk County Council Bridge Office. He was less than 10 years older than Colin and retired at 60 and then had a brain tumour and died a few years later. J came to see us at the smallholding one day and said she'd been on one of the Open Garden visits in a village nearby and realised that if she didn't sort herself out, visiting gardens would be the only excitement for the next 20 years. So she bought herself a camper-van and carried on doing the things that she had done previously when P was alive..
Made me wonder................Have I retired too early? Am I mouldering away in my bungalow - going out to things just for the sake of it? Is my life going to be the same for the next 15 years? I don't feel particularly bored and never have been, I enjoy the things I do but should there be More or Something Else! ( not a man for sure - couldn't replace the one I had!)
Or maybe it's because I've not had a proper holiday for many years. I've always said that there's no point going on holiday when you're retired and live alone, because any day could be a holiday, but of course it doesn't work like that.
Like I said, need to think about this and sort myself out before I get any older!
So................this weekend? ............Car boot sales if the weather is fine and there's a Flower Festival in the Church and an Art show in the school in a nearby village. I visited it in 2019 and hope to go again, because I do enjoy an art show.
Then maybe I'll do something very surprising!? but what?
Back on Monday - God Willing
Sue
I think there's great value in going on holiday. I know I've gone a bit overboard this year but, generally, since retiring, I've had more holidays than the rest of my adult live in total and it is great.
ReplyDeleteIt's nice to go to new places or see new things, meet new people, have new experiences, develop a new routine for a few days . . . etc.
I don't think you are 'mouldering away' any more than I am but I do recognise the need to do something 'different' now and again. I call it a 'jolly' or 'an adventure', even though it's not that adventurous at all.
Why not do what you mentioned and stay pretty local but change the environment - Norfolk by the Sea, for instance. Or do you have a friend with whom you could swap homes for a weekend/week?
Or why not pick an interesting city, find the local Premier Inn (there always is one) and have a mid-week break exploring.
Retirement is a permanent holiday in some ways - in that there's no 'work' (ha ha) and no strict timetable to follow - but it's in human nature to want something different from time to time, nothing to do with being bored or dissatisfied.
Sorry for the rant - Have a lovely day doing all those lovely things and happy pondering. I look forward to reading about your surprising thing. xx
I've been widowed for over 10 years and still work a few days a week - I'm older than you Sue! I go away on my own and with friends and a voluntary committee member of four different societies. I have a very small family, none nearby, so there is no option other than to immerse myself in a variety of interests. I work on the premise that if I don't enjoy it I can always leave. I've really widened my interests since my husband died. I think he would be very proud of my happy independence!
DeleteBut you are not your friend. You must do what is right for you and what you want to do. Retirement is different for all of us, as our working lives were. I’ve been widowed for 17 years now and really I don’t know where the days go. Holidays alone are a strange one, nobody to share the exploits of the day with but just a day out at the beach or visiting a different town is manageable. You are not mouldering, you visit churches, book fairs, car boots, you read assiduously, garden and spend time with family. Don’t compare yourself to other people, do what is right for you, lead your own life. Take care and enjoy your beautiful County. Sarah Browne.
ReplyDeleteI retired at 59 and am now 75 and wouldn't swap the seven day a week freedom for anything, especially being back at work. There are spells when it gets boring, especially in the winter but generally, I don't feel as if I should be doing more. Rachel on her blog seems to have the answer to fill many days, by joining various groups or courses, or jumping on a train for a few hours, perhaps that might be something to consider.
ReplyDeleteDon't underestimate the massive effect that the pandemic has had on everyone when it comes to socialising - lots of folk have been "sitting around at home" due to lockdown and are only just getting back to the "getting out and doing". Have you thought about being a volunteer one day a week? In a charity shop, or a NatTrust guide or gardener, or a driver for the Hospice (they pay expenses) A number of my retired friends say that just having that one fixed appointment in the diary each week gives them a helpful sense of purpose. There are lots of opportunities out there!
ReplyDeleteHow about U3A?It is a great way to meet new people and develop new interests.Barbarax
ReplyDeleteWe have just received devastating news about my husband - I am 61 - and I lie in bed at night and wonder what my life is going to be like. Thank Heavens I drive, have many friends and also enjoy my big garden. All sorts go through my mind, though, about what lies ahead. Your post today has been very timely and thought provoking.
ReplyDeleteI commented before (widowed for 10 years). My husband was diagnosed two years before he died at the same time as our son was doing his A levels. Very difficult times, words cannot describe what we went through. If I can give one piece of advice it is to put your financial affairs in order and learn how to take over bills etc., I am amazed that some of my friends still have no idea how to use online banking! There is so much help out there for people on there own and so many things you can join where people make. you feel very welcome. I too have a big garden but have learned to call in for help if needed. Friends' husbands often come to the rescue! Volunteering is great both for the social side and having something in the diary.
DeleteSo sorry to hear your news, my husband died 5 months after diagnosis so I can appreciate what you are going through and how helpless you feel when situation entirely out of your hands. I hope you have a good support network of family and friends. I accepted every invitation going as they soon dried up and have made a different life for myself. Gardening is balm but do not be afraid to ask for help now, and later. Sarah Browne.
DeleteJulia, I'm so sorry to hear about your husband. The diagnosis my husband had was "treatable but not curable" and sadly the treatable bit didn't work. It's a tough time but you will get through. My thoughts are with you.
DeleteHello Julia
DeleteMy husband had a devastating diagnosis by phone in November last year. He has taken all the treatment offered to him, and has had the most extraordinary response to treatment, so
much so that he has now been invited to join a clinical trial that previously rejected him
There is hope
Siobhan
Just seen this, Julia. I am so, so sorry. Sending love. xx
DeleteThank-you, everyone. One has to have hope. Love to all of you.
DeleteThis is something I often think about. Not being widowed, but what to do with the future.
ReplyDeleteI had to give up work over 25 years ago due to a health issue that has not improved. I'm not ill, just in pain every day, particularly in the mornings, and I have to steel myself to get going. I avoid people because talking makes my jaw pain much worse. But I always feel that I lack an overall plan. Several of my female relatives have lived well into their 90s, and I don't want to look back and think I could have used my time better.
To quote the poet Mary Oliver "Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?"
Interesting though and post, I think we are like you, we love to stay at home, you are making me think about this now, thank you.
ReplyDeleteIf you went on holiday by yourself you would not be alone. You have all your blog readers to share it with. Take photo's, relive the holiday by writing it up when you come back. Give it a try. If you don't try you will never know.
ReplyDeleteyes!
DeleteI have just come back home after 2 months in Spain walking the Camino de Santiago. Every night, I wrote up my blog documenting my day's experiences. That gave me something to do, and now I have a lovely online diary to look back on.
DeleteWhat an interesting post, Sue. And Julia, my very good wishes to you after receiving such news about your husband.
ReplyDeleteMuch good advice here, but in the end whatever you do it's got to be fun for you not a chore, and to put an alternate view: there is much to be said for life in a minor key, it's doesn't mean it's a minor life by any means. You are admirable in all you do and have the gift of sharing your enjoyment to all your blog readers.
A very interesting post and something which I have been thinking too. I'm now 64. My husband is still alive, well he was when I last looked. LOL. I've always said that life is planned for you, you go to school, you get a job, get married, have a family then you work until your retire. The so called Golden Years, but it seems that you just have endless time to fill... with what? I do, like others, go out for a day, walk, take a train but it feels meaningless and without direction, a purpose, a goal. Like someone commented coming out of Covid is taking it toll on people as is the cost of travel. I tend to think 'What can I do now/today that I won't be able to do in 10 years time'. I want to look back and have memories. An interesting topic I read on a blog this morning was ' When was the last time.....?'. Everything stops and we never know when it is 'The Last Time' of meeting people, doing something. My advice would be to live for today and do what you enjoy, what ever that is and live for the moment as nothing is guaranteed. Oh... and be happy as that's how you'll be remembered.
ReplyDeleteI should have signed it Karen
ReplyDeleteGosh, you have started me thinking again about a subject that has been bubbling away in my mind since P and I made our big house move last year. We shall be 72 and 66 next birthdays and our small circle of friends have all recently had brushes with potentially life limiting diagnoses.
ReplyDeleteFrom your blog posts it seems that you do have many activities that you enjoy and people to talk to. If you are getting fulfilment out of your life then keep on doing what you like best.
Perhaps a friend could join you for a holiday somewhere interesting once the world has resumed a semblance of normality?
Such interesting reading Sue and the comments so far are equally interesting.
ReplyDeleteI retired fairly early after working full time a lot of years in the NHS. Husband also retired and we live very quietly in beautiful west Wales love our gardening and dogs , do a little socialising but haven't been away on holiday for about 6 years. OH and I have different feelings on this, I think a holiday makes you appreciate home even more when you get back refreshed, he is so content at home that he's just not interested in going away. I'm finding retirement very mixed - love the freedom but so aware of days passing and wondering should I be achieving a little more? Yet, much as I admire folk who volunteer......hands up to it , after years of 12 hour shifts, the idea of that leaves me cold! So, could write much more on the subject but had better stop rambling. Keep up your thought provoking blogs Sue ( and other bloggers too of course) because it can be inspiring to think about these things.
Alison in Wales x
Sue, don't do anything you feel you should. just because ... You have an active life interested in what you do with your garden and sightseeing around Suffolk. If you feel there is something more then do it. How about going to see one of your favourite sports, tennis or snooker? Just to have something different to look forward to.
ReplyDeleteGood evening Sue I admire how you have navigated these last few years which ordinarily would be the hardest time someone can go through with the loss of your beloved husband,add on to this covid and moving house. My husband is a fairly self contained person, pottering in his shed etc so I have been working in an op shop (is that what they're called in the UK) a couple of days a week, I have to dress tidily, be relyable etc as for a regular job. The other ladies I work with are lovely from all walks in life and we have also socialized away from the shop. We also feel we're helping our charity. Just a thought for you.Best wishes from a cold, damp southern Australia.
ReplyDeleteSo many thoughtful replies to your post! I am 61, retired, and loving every minute of it. Still have my husband, though, so I am not exactly walking in your shoes. I do savor the days when he is busy or out of town, but maybe that's because when he is here, what he wants or needs is so much a part of my days. I sometimes feel envious of the women who are free from that. I've done the volunteering, (must be careful with that as it can eat you alive if you don't have good boundaries) have a little side-gig that I choose to do or not do (pet/house sitting) and spend lots of time outside, walking, hiking, biking. I have an army of women upon whom I depend for socialization and keeping me on the straight and narrow! I think my like-minded women army is what's most important to my mental health.
ReplyDeleteI am in the US and every day I go to work I count the days to retirement. This has given me pause. I have lots of interests and I go on retreats (Camps) with other women who have the same interests. (I hook rugs). There always seems to be something I want to do but I have to work. My husband has been retired for 10 years. He keeps saying retirement is not all that you think it is. He keeps himself pretty busy too. I have decided to stay working an extra year because of the state of things here. Money just doesn't go as far as it used to. I live in northern New England and our winter heating bill alone will take a lot of that money this year. so I work until I can retire. We are not big vacation takers maybe a get away in the winter to the south for a week or two but the airlines are a huge mess and I would not fly right now so no vacations in the past few years. I do not like that our life is defined by work before and after. But sadly most of us do break our life down to that. I have read all the other comments such a good topic but feel badly you are struggling with the answer. I do love to visit your blog and see what you are doing. thank you for this thought provoking post.
ReplyDeleteCathy
I was interested in this post. I am in my seventies. My husband is alive but arthritis has completely curtailed the walking that we did together and he is less interested in outings. I do help out picking up a grandson at lunchtime which gets me out of the house a little and chatting to a few people at the school. A few months ago I knew I needed for a variety of reasons to develop some social contacts and joined a seniors group and go once a week to an afternoon drop in paint group. They are a friendly group of women who are planning some get togethers over the summer and I am glad I joined the group. I do want to travel at some point once this chaos of airlines and baggage is resolved. I remember my mum signed up for a coach tour to Scotland alone and had a good time. She had always wanted to see the Highlands, and people were friendly on the tour. I don’t want to have regrets that I didn’t try something or reach out more to people. A thought provoking post.
ReplyDeleteI have been thinking similar thoughts lately, Sue. I am 71 and I retired right before Covid. I find that I seem to have no real purpose and the days/weeks fly by with just the same routines of walking, reading, weeding, laundry, cleaning, computer time, TV, etc. I often feel that I am not using my time well but haven't found a better way to spend my days.
ReplyDeletePre-Covid retirement and leisure time was very full. Travel, friends and family as well as hobbies were all very satisfying and brought much pleasure. Enter Covid and everything shifted. Add health issues and/or death and this requires more shift. Your post speaks to all of this. The solution? Like everyone else, I'm also figuring this out. I'd like to travel abroad but will delay this due to many complications of air travel and Covid. Lately, friends, family and general meet-ups are easier with lock-down no longer required. This has made a big improvement. Let's hope it lasts.
ReplyDeleteI think these thought go through the minds of many of us in your position Sue. I don't know the answer. Between my marriages I had several holidays alone - to Marrakech, to Siena - but it wasn't the same without somebody with me to share the experience and both my marriages were happy so I wanted only M or Dt o share with. Now at 90 in a couple of months I am incapacitated and can no longer drive or even walk without an aid and I ask the same questions.
ReplyDeleteI’ve often thought you’re far too smart and articulate to be mouldering in your bungalow at such a relatively young age.
ReplyDeleteThank you anonymous - who ever you are!
DeleteLaugh out loud moment ... one thing you have NEVER done Sue is moulder!! Aren't Anonymouses lovely people.
DeleteWe are all different and 'one man's meat is another man's poison' as the saying goes. I wrote a list of things I wanted to do long before I retired. Adding to it everytime I thought of something eventhough I thought I would never do any of them. I decided I would start a blog so that I could share my wanderings and possible achievements. It provided me with challenges that I have enjoyed trying but that might not appeal to everyone. I do most things on my own including holidays but I did join the u3a (university of the third age). It is a worldwide organisation and there will be one in your area. There are so many different clubs and activities maybe there will be something that you might like to start. It is a very inexpensive way of joining a club.
ReplyDeleteI always fancied the idea of a camper van, so Keith and I could explore all the bits of the UK we wanted to visit and never did, pre-retirement. That's not going to happen now of course (and the cats would have been a stumbling block anyway!)
ReplyDeleteIf you are content with your life, no need for change. I will say though, that when I volunteered for the National Trust I loved it, sharing the history of the house with whoever might be interested, and just meeting people generally.
I didn't like to say in my comment above about my retirement, but reading other peoples comments on theirs I will. I was 59 and on the cusp of retirement when I was finally diagnosed with MS so I haven't had an enjoyable easy time at all since I gave up work. I certainly didn't expect my later years to be of disablement and for the most part housebound, but this is my 'life' now. Both my husband and I know that there isn't a cure and it will get worse, so that, coupled with other health issues I have, is a cause for concern. We, or at least I, don't have plans as there wouldn't be any point, all we can do is take each day as it comes. Lockdown to me wasn't any different to any other day and funnily enough we have both had Covid which barely touched me, even though I'm on the 'at risk' register, but my husband was quite bad with it. Just goes to show.
ReplyDeleteWhy should you change doing what you are doing if you are happy and content with it just because someone makes a comment of how it is with them?
So many of us identify with what you are saying Sue. For myself, I have found it very difficult to establish a new life on my own - especially with the thought that many of my forebears lived into their 80s and 90s and I could easily do the same. I'm slowly sorting it out and living more with the mantra of just enjoying anything I do. Sometimes I get a bit bored and/or frustrated, and contentment flies out the window, but after a day or so I settle down again. Best wishes for sorting out your thoughts :) xx
ReplyDeleteYou've got me thinking!
ReplyDeleteIs that good or bad?!
DeleteI took every vacation I could after I "retired", and did some serious travelling and visiting. I'm 79 now, and my physical ability to go it alone has left. Still, I look at caravans and dream.
ReplyDeleteThe idea of a campervan is quite appealling for one, in a way that it never seems to be for two. Living a little too close together with nowhere to escape to if the weather is bad. Think you would need a dog though. Not sure cats travel so well, but a fog means you are not alone. But if you are happy as you are why worry. Some people only go on holiday to the same place every year for 40 years and are very happy. I think it is really a case of whatever floats your boat.
ReplyDeleteMy aunt was in her early 70s when her husband died. After 3 years she decided to go on her holiday by herself. She went on a coach holiday from Kent to Scotland. Visiting places in Scotland she had always wanted to see Edinburgh,Loch Lommond , Isle of Skye. and other places. Not saying do the same holiday.My aunt felt safe because she was with other people but also had time to herself when she wanted it.
ReplyDeleteCoach holiday just a suggestion. We have been on many coach holidays abroad there are always single travellers on them. Nearly always ladies You do not have to mix if you would rather not.
Irene
Find your own happiness and contentment and don't judge yourself by others. I met the love of my life in my 60s and now all these years later due to widow hood am living with my family, fighting occasionally with my grand daughter but being alive. You still have your health, do what you want but one thing I have learnt not being someone on outings and holidays is very difficult. X
ReplyDeleteedit... not being with someone.... New Google problem, my words get chased by spellings, so I can never see what I have just written!
DeleteHi Sue, have you thought about writing a book on your life with Colin on your small holding? You like writing as you have a blog and you like reading. You have a lot of knowledge of nature and your area to share.
ReplyDeleteWrite a Suffolk-themed book with an autobiographical slant. Something like the books you like to read and collect. I'll buy a copy.
ReplyDeleteBeing content is the most important thing 🌸sending you a hug 🧡 x
ReplyDeleteI've been going round and round with exactly the same thoughts as you. Your post has given me the kick I need to get my act together and make some decisions, so in other words stop the planning and start making the changes/living the life I want. Many thanks.
ReplyDeleteYou've got so many of us thinking now. You know my story so I won't go into things from my side, but if you think that you are slowing down too much (mouldering ;-) ... lol) then it might be time to do something new. BUT if you are happy with your life, your family, friends, WI, carboot sales, church visits etc etc then that is good enough for now. It's when it all suddenly all starts to seem 'old hat' that you might want to change things up a bit.
ReplyDeleteYou write such lovely blog posts and have such wonderful stories to tell I'd think about writing some of it down. If not to share with the rest of the world, perhaps something that could be shared with the family. I always wished Mum would have written something down. I said something to her several times, but she never did and, well, now it's too late. She had such wonderful stories to tell.
ReplyDeleteI would say that if you aren't bored then continue retiring! I always think it's better to enjoy some time rather than keep working and working and never get to do something you want. As long as you have enough to survive life is not all about work. At the end of the day I doubt many people wish they would have spent more time working!
Eileen was right, this post is so the kick in the butt I need. Your message is bang on for many of us to hear. It's made me teary to think of how the pandemic has affected me to crawl into my COVID Cocoon & stay there. Thank you Sue for sharing your thoughts - just WOW!
ReplyDeletemy butt has been kicked aswell. I am 66 this year and have been a very active farmer and rider of horses up to 2 1/2 years ago when Covid hit( Xmas eve 2019!!) since then I have suffered mainly brain fog and suddenly realised today that I had mentally retired before my body was ready. I am now feeling more energised and ready to do more of what |I was doing (farming and riding)
ReplyDeletesorry pressed entered before my name Su
ReplyDeleteWell, you have gotten a lot of us thinking about making the most of our retirement. Even as a couple, hubby and I are not as diligent about making "special" plans often enough. We still have that post pandemic lethargy. Good luck to you finding your own way, I know from my friend L how it is so much different on your own.
ReplyDeleteInteresting topic and comments. I retired early at 55, and after16 years of retirement I feel a bit like you. If I was working, at this point I would say it is time to get a new job for a change! I do keep busy with my garden, and I did say that my garden had to pay for itself in retirement, so there is a bit of a side hustle from that. I also planned on visiting a new country every year and did so until Covid messed up these plans. Time to get back in the saddle this year. I have had some wonderful low budget trips to places like Iceland, Ireland, Italy, Turkey, Egypt, Thailand, Nepal and Cambodia. I travel on my own and love that I do not have to compromise what I want to do because of a travel partner. In a few years I may have to change to rail trips, cruises and group travel as it gets harder to physically travel and mentally plan out things. I think you would enjoy going to just one place different and staying there for a few weeks in an airbnb....in the UK or a foreign country. You could explore things slowly there and will find that you are invigorated mentally.
ReplyDeleteThis is so interesting, i was just trying to comment sometime in the last few weeks that your daily adventures really inspire me to get out and do something more, there is always someone with greener pastures, huh? i think you are living a good life but you may consider a real holiday maybe with one of the children or a delight by yourself too. i agree when you aren't working every day could be whatever you want but even when you set out on one intention i seem to rarely get the biggest bit of the priorities outside the home accomplished in one trip as i'm always thinking of what else needs done and don't do as well as you in my list making as i once did. I've read since right after your beloved passed i think. serendipity led me here as i was still deep in my own grief and i can not tell you how often your page and your friends have been such the motivation for my day and more important my tomorrows. thank you and remember you are the only one who decides if the life you live is fulfilling you.
ReplyDeletebless and sincere admiration
joan