Tuesday, 7 January 2020

What was I doing ..............


............................... last week, while not writing daily blog posts?

 I wrote and posted some thank you notes
Filled in my 2020 diary with birthdays etc.
Took down the Christmas tree and shoved it back in it's box and bags
Untangled the Christmas lights and got them back in boxes
Took down the Christmas cards, sorted the bits that make shopping lists and put the rest for re-cycling.
Chopped some kindling
Picked up twigs for kindling from the meadow
Did my seed order.
Went to Asda for a bit of shopping
Popped to Ipswich town centre
and visited two Suffolk churches
Shifted wood into the woodshed


 I also read all the new posts from  everyone's  blogs and  all the comments on my January 1st post and there was one that made me sad....

It said..........
 "Well hope this decade is better for you, growing old alone is shit for me, there seems little point in life but you seem to find your way through so hope it all goes well . Sarah in Dorset"

What would your reply be?

Thinking about growing old alone........... Maybe I'm lucky but on a normal day I don't feel alone or lonely now and I can't worry about growing old because it's going to happen anyway and I have no idea how I'll be affected but what to say to Sarah in Dorset?
I really hope that Sarah too can find a way through and get past the thoughts of there being little point in life............that just sounds so awfully sad.
 

Back Tomorrow
Sue







50 comments:

  1. Sounds like a busy week. I am old and often feel alone until my dog notices and comes for a cuddle. You are never alone with a dog not even in the toilet:)

    ReplyDelete
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  2. I think that most of us have concerns about old age - not the actual getting older but all the things that may come with it, including deteriorating health, decreasing independence and increasing loneliness - but, for me, it's something I take a day at a time. I'm not a prophet, nor a soothsayer, so really have no idea how my future will pan out so I try to make today as good as I can make it, plan positive things for tomorrow, next week, through the year, make good memories and generally be a bit of a Pollyanna in a way. Stuff still comes along to knock me flat at times but I believe that if I practise positivity most of the time, it will be a habit through the bad times.
    That's not really an answer, just my take on my own life, increasing old age and what might or might not be round the corners of the rest of my life span.
    xx

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  3. The prospect of old age can be very frightening, but since non of us knows what tomorrow holds, I try to make the best of each day as it comes. I think gardeners are eternal optimists by their very nature otherwise would never grow anything!
    Perhaps Sarah and I can link up beyond this blog?

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    1. I so agree about gardening - it gets you outside and producing something -both good for the soul

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  4. I fully understand what Sarah in Dorset is going through. Same here. Not helped with lack of community spirit which seems to be a thing of the past nowadays. I feel as if I am plodding on day to day with no life purpose any longer other than to get through my day.

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  5. Loneliness is the curse of today's society. During 2019, a number of my friends have been widowed, and have had to cope with living alone. One said that it felt a normal, but she was adjusting to "a new normal" It's easy to say glibly "go out and join a group". There may be WI, U3A, knitting club or church group nearby - but not everyone has the courage to walk in the door and join. And even if you DO find a group, that isn't much help at 4am, when you cannot sleep and there's nobody to hold you and say "It will be OK". The rest of us need to be pro active, and look out for one another. Finding a purpose helps. My Mum used to say "look for someone who is in a worse situation and go and help them. And then you will Both feel better" Please don't stop blogging Sue. Your positive attitude is a real help and blessing to many people xx

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    1. I read a news article this week which said that young women aged 18-24 feel loneliness the most! It seems to affect all age groups.

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  6. PS just found Sarah's comment, and offered to meet up for coffee as we're both in Dorset.

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    1. I do hope she gets in touch with you, so you can meet

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    2. Just about to do the same now I have discovered how!

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  7. Also in Dorset! I do understand how Sarah and Rustic Pumpkin feel as I am also old and alone and get that 'another long day to get through' feeling, especially as I wake so early every morning. Small things like looking forward to the first snowdrops are what keep me going.

    Sorry that we're using your blog to express these depressing thoughts but I increasingly think it's better to let people know how you feel and that none of us is alone. I never say these things on my own blog but keep it upbeat. You are an example to us!

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    1. It's good to have a discussion on the blog - hope it helps - It looks as if there are enough Dorset folk to have a bloggy meet up!
      I know when I very first started blogging there had been a group of Suffolk bloggers and readers who used to meet up. It faded away when some people moved

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    2. Perhaps the Dorset comment givers need to befriend one another?

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  8. You have been industrious, Sue! I used to love wandering through the woods with my great auntie for bits of kindling, when I was young. I loved it!
    There is a lot of loneliness today. People are so busy and wrapped up in their own worlds, they don’t always realise that perhaps their neighbour might just enjoy a little chat. That’s not a criticism, but the way life is for many. Working long hours to pay the rent/mortgage etc. I’m lucky enough to have been just a housewife since 2007 and being at home, you notice more around you.
    Will you be posting about your church visits?

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    1. First of the 2 churches tomorrow
      Number 43 visited out of 100 in the book!

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  9. Yes that was a sad post from Sarah. On closer inspection I see that she sees your positivity and drive. I agree with the above. Gardening is healing. Even if it is just some pots to care for and enjoy.r

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  10. Yes, a very sad post from Sarah, hope she feels better by now and is going to be able to be in contact with Angela.

    Do you know what happened to Dawn from Being Self Sufficient in Wales? She hasn't blogged since September.

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    1. Dawn had been posting less and less - I guess she is so very busy all the time.

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  11. I felt very sad for Sarah and wish I was near to her but would willing write or phone her to chat. I live alone and moved away 2 years ago and have no real friends her but people are friendly if I see them. I am lucky I like my garden and crochet lots for charity, and don't really feeling lonely just feel frustrated that I cannot do what I use to do but make the best I can do. I hope Sarah reads Sues post and feels a lot better.
    Hazel c uk

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  12. I've looked back to see that Sarah's comment is anonymous so we can't respond directly to her.

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  13. I don't often comment but wanted to reach out to others who feel alone or lonely. This is a very difficult time of year for many. Christmas can be difficult and also the short days and winter weather don't help the way we feel.

    I have long term health issues which mean that I often have to be at home and don't drive. This can be very isolating although I am fortunate to have my family with me. I very nearly lost my husband last year through cardiac arrest and he lost his job due to ill health the year before that. I talk to everyone I can when I am out with my dogs and that really helps. I also discovered free online learning courses; I don't mean courses like degrees but short courses in a wide variety of subjects with no pressure such as exams and assessments;

    Futurelearn and Duolingo are two I use. Duolingo is about learning languages at your own pace in a fun way for free. Futurelearn is lovely (massive range of subjects to try and if you don't like it you can just stop) and there are optional online discussions with other learners which really helps with loneliness as you're 'chatting' to other people from all over the world and in your own country/area. If you like, you can take a final assessment with Futurelearn courses and pay for a certificate but if not, you can do the rest of the course for free. I've done lots of them and never paid for a certificate yet as I don't have an income.

    Blogs like these are wonderful and thank you for your honesty in addressing such issues. People are so busy these days and it hurts when even good friends sometimes don't reply to texts or emails.

    Take care

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    1. Thank you for your lovely comment and more ideas for things to keep busy

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    2. Good comment. I’m trying to learn French through Duolingo. I’m alone and still drive but have failing eyesight and think about how I’ll cope when I can no longer drive. I live in a suburban area and we have fairly good bus service.

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  14. I think Susan above has a point when she says 'I talk to everyone'. I live alone and am quite handicapped with arthritis but I walk gently and I know so many people with dogs because I have one too. I try to have conversations with at least six people each day - and most days I manage it.
    I am also lucky because my son lives a mile away. I have been alone for almost three years - I miss my farmer every day but however much I grieve he will not return so I have to exist on memories.

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    1. I know I talk to people more when I'm out than I used to. I'm never sure how much they appreciate me nattering on!

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  15. I had a friend who was well in his 70's when I met him. He had been an only child and never married,and had no living relatives. He had always lived with his mum and dad and only ever lived in the house where he was born and continued to live there when his parents died. He had a coal fire in the kitchen with one of those saucepan rests that swung round for cooking - he did his boiled egg on this every morning. He was a very knowledgeable and intelligent man who read a lot - his main contact with people was each week at church. Sadly in his eighties he developed Motor Neurone disease - not a good thing to have if you are alone in the world but he had been a church goer all his life so he just prayed hard about his condition as did our church. Out of nowhere a fairly new member of our church heard of his plight and understood his reluctance to go into a home. He and his wife put themselves foreward to care for him and with his agreement of course moved into his home as a trial at first but it worked so well they stayed for the 3 years until his death. He died so well cared for and peacefully. No-one could have predicted this would have been how he would have met his end - we never know what the future holds and sometimes it is not as bleak as we think it might be.
    I think Sarah might have more friends than she realises that would visit if they knew how she felt. If she feels she has no friends then joining a group or a voluntary organisation might provide some - there will always be someone out there who has similar circumstances to her.

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  16. 18 days ago I broke my wrist - since then I have not seen or spoken to anyone except hospital appts. even my sister said she was too busy to visit over Christmas. i have tried to stay positive by reading blogs and watching positive and feelgood stuff on youtube. some days i've felt alone and weepy, other days i've felt ok. i am grateful that i have 2 cats for company. i have found online groups to join which have been encouraging - try MeanQueen's walking challenge group on her blog. i am learning that there are lots of us going thro similar situations and blogs/yootoob are a fantastic way of helping each other.

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    1. Hi Gillian, sorry to hear about your wrist. Hope you start feeling better soon. Online communities are great. Not quite the same as face to face contact but when you look at the way many people, including young folks, communicate with each other these days, much of it is online.

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    2. So sorry to hear about your broken wrist, very painful I should think. Hope you get through OK. I think I too would be feeling lonely if that happened to me

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  17. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    1. And now it's moved down a bit ... with the middle section where it should be :-)

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  18. We can all be kinder to one another
    I rang one of my best friends yesterday and had a good cry
    " tits out chin up" he said
    Xx

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  19. I think todays post has helped a lot of people Sue, as well as hopefully letting Sarah see that she is not alone.

    Having dogs means I am out walking a lot and because I live near to the seaside resort of Llandudno that is a favourite walking spot. On the promenade I see so many people that are obviously away by themselves, filling the day walking between hotel meals. I always try make sure I smile and say hello, making an effort to talk to the loneliest, saddest looking people, it's amazing how many 'come to' with a start and start to chat. It's usually only about the dogs or the weather, but it's human interaction and we all come away from it feeling so much better.

    All I'm trying to say is that we should all speak to each other, it's something that seems to be fading, the ability to talk to strangers. We are all strangers until we become friends, and sometimes all it takes is a smile or a few words to begin a friendship.

    I deleted the last comment because my computer seemed to eat the middle section!!

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    1. Blogging is almost as good as talking but not quite

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    2. I often travel by myself and even though I’m a shy person I enjoy talking to people I meet on buses, in restaurants or, as you mentioned, just outside walking. Most people are friendly! Once in awhile I run across someone who doesn’t want to talk but it is rare.

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  20. Oh dear, this time of year does seem to affect people a bit more.

    I worry about growing old, not so much for me or Harvey as for our sons. Neither is married and I worry about them being all alone.

    God bless.

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  21. What good enlightening comments. Speaking to people helps when you are out, a dog certainly does. I think fighting the urge not to do anything also helps, there is something I don't want to go to tomorrow but will because it is being part of the community.

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  22. My husband died suddenly in October-I'm 45 and have 2 school age children who are keeping me going really. I also have my job which hopefully I will feel able to return to in a few months. Do wonder how life will be as I get older. Thank you for your post and your blog in general

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    1. So sorry to hear this. Taking things a day at a time is the only way to go, hope you get back to work and get through the the hard days

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    2. Thank you Sue
      Anna

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  23. It sounds like you've had a busy week and have gotten a good start to the new year.

    I also noticed the comment from Sarah in Dorset at the time and felt sad for her. There have been times I have felt similar and I think that can be partially due to loneliness. When you feel you have no friends and you are lonely it becomes easy to feel as she described. I love the many comments here reaching out to her and showing care. I think we all just want to matter and belong and acknowledgement that we do can make a difference.

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  24. I wouldn't really know what to reply to that but I'm glad you highlighted it. I hope Sarah returns and reads the comments that have been left and that in some way they help her. I agree that blogging is nearly as good as talking to somebody in real life. xx

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  25. I like the getting back to normal after Christmas, we had the BIG clean today and seeing everything back in place.. I hope that Sarah in Dorset meets some one.. sad times are hard to face alone.

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  26. A hard thing to reply to ..... We have a lot of ladies who live alone and come along to the knitting and reading group at our community centre. I would ask Sarah to see if there are places locally she can attend for some company, they are very welcoming or try and volunteer for a couple of hours at a place in need. She will get to meet lots of people and hopefully find new friends to help her. The library is full of information about what's on offer locally, seek it out and see.

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  27. Which Suffolk churches did you visit? I really enjoy when you share where you've been sightseeing.

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  28. Glad you enjoyed your well deserved time off!

    I'm not sure what to say to Sarah. It would be easy to tell her that she needs to get out more, or find some hobbies, but that's not the answer for everyone. I would tell her to try to find at least one thing that brings her joy. If she could find one perhaps that would lead to more things that would bring her joy.

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