Sunday 11 November 2018

Six Months On


It's six months today since Colin died, sometimes it feels like 6 days and at other times it might be 6 years

 Missed so much every day.




 



When the only other person in the world who knew  everything about our 38 years together is gone  the loneliness is sometimes almost too much to cope with.

But there's no choice.



74 comments:

  1. Such a lot of memories, Sue, bittersweet though they may be at times like today. It's good that you have so many photographs...snaps taken on phones aren't quite the same and are so easily deleted. We are all with you in spirit, but we can't take away your pain. Hugs x

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  2. Sending hugs. A good friend is also at the six month stage after losing her husband to cancer, and finding it tough.

    It's early days, be gentle with yourself. And know your virtual friends are with you and sending you love and support. xxx

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  3. Gentle hugs my dear. Your pain and grief are still raw. Remember the occasions of those photographs and the happiness you both felt. As Morag said, be gentle with yourself.

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  4. It does get easier with time but there are always moments of pain

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  5. Sending you all my love and many virtual hugs. I know it won't help much but maybe, to know that others are thinking of you on this, your remembrance day, might warm you a little bit.
    xxx

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  6. The photographs are precious and the memories even more. How I wish I could help you but please know I care.

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  7. Even though it's been six months since Colin died it still hurts in many ways. Prayers for you and thankful you have photos and good memories of your life together. Hugs and love from across the ocean waves. x---x God bless you in the days ahead.

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  8. Wishing you peace and comfort. But I think you will never forget. It's eleven years since my husband died. the day after his funeral was our 35 wedding anniversary. I think of him every day. But it does get easier.
    Sending you a big hug from Ohio.

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  9. Thinking of you and sending much love. X

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  10. Sending heartfelt hugs to you dear sue. X

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  11. I completely understand, the scare I got for my hubby going into hospital for 12 days was terrible and the loneliness at home was the hardest part. Take care of yourself, you have wonderful memories and a loving family, plus blog land xxx

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    1. My husband spent over a month in hospital recently following a massive heart attack and cardiac arrest. Fortunately, the doctors managed to shock him back to life. He was in critical care for over three weeks which was very worrying before he was operated on. He is only 52 and we have been given a second chance. But almost losing him has changed our perspective on life.

      Sue, you photos are beautiful and show what a lovely family you are. The years pass too quickly I'm afraid. Thinking of you XX

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  12. My dad died aged 59 from MND which is a terrible illness. He would be 85 now if still with us. Despite the years passing by I know my mum still misses him every day as do I. Hugs to you.

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  13. I think many of us know your pain and would dearly like to take it away but cannot. Only offer our love and sympathy, knowing that it will get better over time.

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  14. I can't imagine your pain but know you will be in my thoughts and prayers today in the hope it may help.

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  15. I can actually imagine the pain, as we are now old and our time together is obviously limited ... we have been together since 1962 and married since 1964. That's 54 years. And so I feel your pain, Sue, as I often say to myself, "But when one of us is gone, the other won't be able to say, 'do you remember when ...?'" because no one else will remember ...
    I'm sending you so many hugs your poor arms will be quite bruised, dear lady. You will be in my thoughts even more today, especially as it is Remembrance Sunday (which coincides with Armistice Day this year.)
    LOve and hugs from Devon.
    Margaret P

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  16. Nearly eight years on since my lovely husband died. Some things get easier, some things worse. Anybody who has experienced the loss of loved one will echo your final thought of having no choice.
    Peace.

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  17. I have very few words to offer. You are living through what many of us are dreading.
    My thoughts are with you.
    May each day bring a gradual healing though the scar will always be with you as a tribute of your 38 years together.
    Sue

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  18. Thinking about. you.You have been amazing in how you have coped but it is early days.

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  19. I can't imagine what you're going through sue , I just hope it gets easier for you as time goes by xxx

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  20. Oh, bless you Sue. But you can see where lovely Florence gets her curly locks from. He would be proud of the way you're coping x

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  21. You are coping so well, but I can imagine at times it must be a struggle to keep it all together. Thinking of you. Lots of love ilona xxx

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  22. I can’t even begin to imagine it despite knowing people who are currently in the same situation. Sometimes there is little to be said to help.

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  23. Thinking of you today - a day of remembrance x

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  24. it's very hard to be the one left behind. But Col would be so proud at the way you've carried on. Sending you love on a difficult day. Cathy

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  25. Think of you Sue it is nearly 33 since my husband died, one thing that did help me in the early years was when I was having a bad time I would write him a letter (a bit like a letter if he was away) I ever kept the letters but it did seem to help a bit. Look after your self Sue.
    Hazel c uk

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  26. Love,hugs and best wishes to you Sue.Beautiful family photos.xx

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  27. Sending you much love as I have no magic words to ease your heart xxx

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  28. I lost my mom 14 years ago and still find it hard to think that there are little comments we'd make to each other ('verbal shorthand' as I think of them) that would crack us both up because of shared memories. I could say 'ice cream cones and a windy day' to anyone else and no one would look at me and smile, remembering the day I carefully carried two ice cream cones back to mom, only for a gust of wind to blow the ice cream off the top, leaving me with two empty cones! It's stuff like that, those little looks, and phrases, the break your heart. I can remember, in the first few months after losing mom, just wishing I could die too as it felt too painful to carry on. But I didn't, and while it's always going to be lonely without her, I'm not lonely all the time and I've had a lot of joy in my life over the last 14 years. I'm thankful for that.

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  29. Bless you. As someone else said, early days. Eleven years for me and the only answer is to keep buggering on, as Churchill put it.

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  30. Lovely memories for you in the photos but such a sad day too. Thinking of you x

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  31. I think he would be proud of how you are getting on and hope you can find a little comfort in this and the fact you stood beside him in his battle.

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  32. Bless you Sue I know what your going through, my husband died 18 months from cancer these milestones and all the anniversaries are always hard. Sending much love from a fellow widow.

    Heather

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  33. In my thoughts, Sue. Thank you for sharing your photos of your fine looking family.

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  34. A day of remembrance which is so personal for you. Thinking of you and your family. -Jenn

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  35. My thoughts are with you. Are you seeing your family today?

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  36. Thinking of you and sending you love. xx

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  37. When the blogging community pulls together there is a real bond of friendship and affection, so I hope all those lovely comments warm the cockles of your heart, even just a little, Sue. You have a lot of people out here who genuinely think a lot of you.x

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  38. As so many others have said, my thoughts are with you. Those 38 years together held so many memories with a someone special.

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  39. Thinking of you on this very difficult day. Sending love and hugs to you.

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  40. An honest post that speaks to a lot of people who walk around and chat cheerfully but who carry with them the pain of a missing loved one. It is hard. Sending good wishes.

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  41. Oh Sue, my beautiful blogging friend, how I wish I could hug you today. No other words. Take care. xx

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  42. Dear Sue

    I'm sorry I can't say or do anything to take your pain away.

    Keeping you in my thoughts. Hoping tomorrow is a brighter day for you.

    Hugs

    Carol x

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  43. So sorry for you, feeling so sad for your loneliness.

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  44. Dear Sue, I don't often comment, but you are in my thoughts often. Nothing can take the pain away, but here's a virtual hug from Canada.
    Lynne

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  45. Hugs sue, they teach us to love them but not how to let go which is always the painful part. Sometimes the depth is too much. Be gentle to yourself and remember those special moments which are yours alone. Take each day for itself some will be better than others but my mum who was in a similar position to you losing my Dad to Non-hodgkinsons lymphoma stage 3 when they diagnosed the problem and palliative care being prescribed. She hated the weekends as she used to see people during the week and we used to do what we could but could not be with her every weekend. Hold on in there its not easy but each day on its own merits. Tricia x

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  46. No choice indeed Sue - we soldier on.

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  47. Love and prayers on a painful day.
    Hugs x

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  48. Thinking of you Sue and sending hugs.

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  49. Love and strength to you Sue x I know it is hard but I would have rather wished for that than my partner of 30 + years deserting me alone housebound and disabled in semi area as the pain of betrayal is worse that death xx

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  50. Thinking of you. Lots of people on here have followed you for many years and we feel your pain. Tx

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  51. Difficult post to read. I know there must be dark days that you keep private but I applaud the fact that you've kept blogging and have found enjoyable ways to fill your days. Col would be proud, you are a strong woman and live you must, the best way you can to honour him. Life is a gift and every day a blessing. You inspire me and I very much look forward to reading about those beautiful grandchildren growing up!! Hugs from Lyme Regis xx

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  52. Thinking of you and hoping for strength to help get you through.

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  53. I can only send you a hug Sue. Arilx

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  54. Thinking of you and sending love from the USA.
    You are coping so well Sue, Colin would be so proud of you.
    Day at a time, hoping there are more good days than bad days.
    Pam in Texas.xx

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  55. I understand completely Sue. My husband died three weeks ago today - no warning, he leaned down to the floor and died before he landed. He was 65 - still much too young. We had the funeral on Tuesday - a wonderful, happy affair, which we called a Tribute to Ian. The church was packed and the vicar and our friend (and MP) who spoke both raised several laughs. Everyone sang the hymns with gusto, as instructed.

    I had been marvelling at your composure over the last six months, and know that it isn't easy. You are filling your days - but it's the evenings and weekends which are the hardest. You are so fortunate to be able to continue living in your home - I am unable to look after myself and will be moving to sheltered accommodation close to my son, his partner and their baby, now four months old. Tim and Hannah have been wonderful, and will continue to be - but I feel so guilty at the amount of time they are having to spend with me. Hopefully I shall move within the next four weeks.

    I do wish you well as you continue looking forward - grandchildren do help with that! I know that Christmas will be hard - however, it really is only one day...

    With all good wishes - Jan xx

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  56. Big hugs! You're doing well, Sue, and I know it's not easy.

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  57. so sorry for your sadness,big hug sent your way. your doing so well

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  58. Thinking of you today and understanding - grief is one day at a time. Yes, we soldier on.

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  59. Sue, I totally understand your sadness. My mom died in February, and it's like it was yesterday. One day at a time, one foot at a time. Col will never die in your memories and that will help you through these days. To tell you the truth, I dread the holidays. We are going out of town for Thanksgiving, because as my oldest said, without Grandma, it's not Thanksgiving. That was her big holiday (though I did the cooking). But we will soldier on because that's what we're supposed to do and honor their memories by still loving them.
    Hugs from the west coast where the smoke is horrible 40 miles from the fires.

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  60. Thinking of you.
    Hugs from Lesley H in Livingston. x

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  61. I'm sorry you lost your life partner so early. 38 years is a treasure, though. I am scared of the time I will have to go on when I lose my beloved. Or he will. ((hugs)), Teresa :-)

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  62. We carry on after a loss, but it can never be the same. They call it the new normals, but it seldom seems normal. I am always impressed on how you take this on and keep busy despite your heartbreak. Col would be proud of you.

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  64. Sue, I am late as usual with my comment but I do want to add that I too admire your determination to not just survive but to learn to thrive. I believe that you do Col a great honor in going on and doing as well as you are able. Bless you.

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