My sister is really my half sister although she's been my dear little sister all her life! My Real Dad was killed in a motorbike accident (no compulsory helmets back in the 50's) a few months before I was born. Three years later Mum married my Real Dad's older brother - who I always called Dad- and a year later my sister was born.
After my Mum died Dad said some very odd and quite bitter things about his younger brother, he was rarely spoken about before although I always knew the story and that Dad wasn't my Real Dad.
I didn't really want to hear that Real Dad had often spent evenings in the local pub with some of the other men from the road rather than at home with my Mum and other odd comments that may or may not have been true. There's no one to confirm or deny or to be hurt or angry from what he said.
Now comes the mystery.
In the last 30 years I've been mistaken several times for someone else - I'll call her "J". (which isn't her initial)."J" lived in the same village and was at primary school with me - although a year older - but moved to a different but nearby village and primary school not far away when she was about 8. She didn't pass her 11 plus exam but a year later she started at our Grammar school in our year - redoing the first year - as she'd been found to be smart enough to be at Grammar School and should have passed the exam.
When we were at school I don't think we looked alike and even in the Grammar school reunion photo of 1988 below we are quite different.
I'm 3rd from left in front row and "J" is in this photo but I won't say where.
However, in the next few years two people I happened to meet -who I hadn't seen for years- thought I was "J". One was someone I'd lived just two houses from for nearly 20 years and the other was someone I'd been in the same class with for 5 years at Grammar School.
Then in the mid to late 90's while at the huge Suffolk Show I came out of the loo to be met by "J" saying "Hello Susan, saw you going in, thought I'd wait to say hello". It was like looking in a mirror! We spoke for a few minutes - mainly remembering the School Reunion and then her children started to pull her away.
Mum had sort of kept in contact with "J"s Mum and Dad for some reason and when I married first time in 1975 it was actually "J"'s Mum who made my wedding dress.
Now there are a few odd things I'd overheard from Mum while she was still alive . You know how you hear adults talking about someone but don't really understand? One was that "J's much younger brother was adopted as "they had problems" .
Then the other day I got this comment on a blog post.............
Hello "J" do you know how Dr M is now? Dave (I've deleted the comment now)
This person Dave - no idea who he is, had tracked my blog from googling about the school and finding where I'd posted the reunion photo several years ago(Dr M was Headmaster of the Grammar school and is on the reunion photo).
But why did he call me "J" when I'm Sue in Suffolk on the blog and my name was on the Facebook page? He replied saying he thought I was "J".
So that's the mystery. Did my Real Dad have a short fling with "J"'s Mum a couple of years before I was born?
No way to find out as I've no idea where "J" is now, although she's probably still in Suffolk as she married a Suffolk farmer, and anyway it's not something I would want to know and I'm sure she wouldn't want to either and the fact we look so similar as we've aged could be a complete coincidence.
The mystery will remain a mystery!
Back Tomorrow
Sue
How intriguing! Just goes to show that things go on in families that nobody except those involved know about.
ReplyDeletePerhaps or maybe I've got it all wrong!
DeleteHow strange. It sounds a very plausible theory on your part. Maybe J knows the details and prefers to forget. Or perhaps she only knows half the story, and doesn't want to know everything. In the 50s so much was 'swept under the carpet' in such matters
ReplyDeleteBut bizarrely I'm looking at the picture, and the lady on the right in the white jumper looks just like my friend Sue (a different Sue from you) I know she grew up in East Anglia but not sure where. She died a few years back. Can you remember what her name was?
There were 5 Susan's in our year but the lady on the right in white wasn't one. Her name was Wendy I think - she only came to our school in 3rd or 4th year when her father became a teacher there.
DeleteThank you! It really does look like her, but I think 'my' Susan grew up nearer Norwich
DeleteMy sister and I don't look that alike, but we've still been mistaken for each other. We share a 'look' that goes through our maternal line, we sound alike, especially on the phone, and once people who know us separately find out that we are sisters, they often say "Yes, of course.". It's quite possible that you and J, as well as looking alike, share some of these characteristics that people who know you as two different people, are subconsciously linking.
ReplyDeleteWhether to find out or not, in these days of testing, upsets the apple cart on both sides. You sound like you want to leave well alone. Perhaps she already knows?
I may be completely wrong and definitely not finding out!
DeleteIntriguing! People will be looking at the photograph and deciding which one is 'J' and probably getting it wrong!
ReplyDeleteI don't look anything like J in the photo and it was odd to be mistaken as her then and later until I saw her in the mid 90's.
DeleteHow intriguing! As someone said things were very different for our parents' and grandparents' generation. I had a friend at primary school who had much older 'parents' and a big 'sister' who I strongly suspect was actually her mum.
ReplyDeleteI met a lady who'd been adopted and thought she was an only child until her half sister contacted her. They have become very close and although they don't look alike they share the same mannerisms. Arilx
ReplyDeleteI have been helping a lady who's father was related to a family 2 door away from my childhood home. He was adopted and she was looking into his roots, and opened a huge family he knew nothing about, his mother had four children without none of us knowing, her 5th child she kept and we all grew up together.
ReplyDeleteBecause of those DNA tests all sorts of things are coming to light. While you may never know it has peaked your interest. I will never take one of those tests I have enough relatives who don't get along as it is.
ReplyDeleteCathy
I was mistaken many times for someone else living nearby, and eventually met her and found she'd had the same experience. People refusing to believe us when we explained they were mistaken. But we agreed we didn't look alike! We did have very similar mannerisms and voices though. No relation that we know of. She was originally from Wales and I from North Yorkshire. But I had Welsh distant relatives, and who knows, she may have been one. She's gone now so nobody mistakes me for her! But people are hopeless at recognition so I wouldn't be too quick to surmise.
ReplyDeleteEver since the ability to track people down by their DNA it has opened up whole new families, happening with me Sue. Do we need to know, will our grandchildren be affected? My daughter has suddenly discovered an interest in my birth mother and now is being somewhat plagued by 'cousins'.
ReplyDeleteYou could be on to a family secret. Usually someone knows something but it would take some work/questioning to get answers. Occasionally, secrets reveal at the death of someone and paperwork trails tell new surprising truths. Oddly enough, we think we know people but this is not always the case.
ReplyDeleteThis sounds like a novel! If you wanted to know just for you, you could take an Ancestry test and see if J or her family did it as well. If there is a DNA match from anyone on her side you'd get the results as a connection. This way you wouldn't need to ask J about it.
ReplyDeleteVery intriguing story.
I see at least 3 women that look a bit like you do in that photo but I'm mostly going on hair color! My sister and I never looked alike growing up but now we do. I think it's the way we wear our gray hair now. I am glad that growing up your step-dad was such a terrific "Dad" for you. Treasure the happy memories of your Mom and Dad and don't worry about it.
ReplyDeleteVery intriguing story! What makes not want to know, if I can be that bold to ask? (You are certainly welcome to delete the comment.) I think just the opposite. Your father was a young man who sounds as if he hadn't quite settled down. I don't know that this says anything bad about him, really. It's just that he didn't live long enough to outgrow that stage of his life. I would have many questions, and if I were J, I'd have questions too. She may be able to offer up pieces of a story that is your story as well as her own.
ReplyDeleteDisclaimer: I am a curious person. I am grateful not to have been born a cat.
Ah, but Satisfaction brought the cat back...
DeleteThat's so intriguing. What a mystery. Personally, I think you're wise not to explore too deeply as it might impact others quite significantly as well. xx
ReplyDeleteSuch a mystery! Sounds like a plot in a novel.
ReplyDeleteWell Sue I must admit to being intrigued by your story - whether you are right or wrong. As you say, I can't think of anyone who looked like you at school and can't guess who might look like you now! Maybe it is just a sort of "Suffolk" look!
ReplyDeleteWow, that is very intriguing but, like you, I think I would leave well alone. It would make a good basis for a book though!
ReplyDeleteI've been told several times I have "doppelgangers", but never met one! My DNA results showed no surprises. Nearest relly is a 2nd/3rd cousin. If your dad had a fling, well, that happens sometimes - he was still young after all.
ReplyDeleteYou must be used to being mistaken for J though!
I wondered if it was the lady almost straight back behind you in a black jacket.
ReplyDeleteNo
DeleteTHat's a story indeed!
ReplyDeleteWow how cool is that? I found a long lost brother years ago. My dad had fathered him as a teen. I did meet him and his family and there was such a connection! We've stayed in contact and sadly last year he died at age 71. His family and I are still close.
ReplyDeleteI'm a genealogy buff - and I love the technology of DNA. I found out that my mothers father wasn't her bio father - I found out a lot of interesting things through DNA.
IN your photo I saw a couple of gals that could be your sister. I'm just a curious person and would want to know - I've not ever had any long lost relatives hound me in fact I have found, most do not want to know. They get very protective about the information. They just refuse to believe the DNA. and yes, stuff does get dug up.
Interesting though...
Wow that does sound like a mystery! I keep thinking something like that might happen to me but not so far! My Dad left us when I was eleven and I've never seen him again. I don't care to know him, but I often wonder whether he had any more children.
ReplyDeleteI admire that you don't want to know. I would be hunting her down through directories and ancestry/DNA sites and wanting to know for sure! It IS a mystery! And so many years later, who or what could it hurt?
ReplyDeleteI'm late to this but just had to comment because I found it a fascinating read - my dad often used to say ' fact is stranger than fiction ' ........ thanks for sharing it.
ReplyDeleteAlison in Wales x
i have a half sister , my dad was a bit of a lad in his day, but my dad told me she was his before he died , shes 12 twelve years younger and i would presume has no idea , ive never raised the issue with anyone
ReplyDelete