A year ago today was the awful day when Colin died. In the third year of treatment for Mantle Cell Non-Hodgkin Lymphoma the end came suddenly after what we thought would be just a week in hospital on antibiotics like he'd had so many times before. But this time he didn't get home again.
It's been a strange year since then - that's Suffolk Understatement! and this last week especially hard, back to loneliness with a bump after the holiday with family and then a Bank Holiday Weekend, when everything always seems to be organised for families and couples to enjoy, but not for people alone................. I didn't know that some days would feeler harder to get through now than they did a year ago.
I've learned a lot in a year........ how to do things I couldn't do before, how to organise jobs that Colin would have taken care of. I've also found that some people who you think will help actually don't and some friends can't cope with being a friend to a single person. I'm really glad I have children and grandchildren to help fill the hollow empty-ness, something that is so difficult to describe and unlikely to be filled by anything.
But I've have got through a year by myself and life goes on and on the whole I've found out how to manage alone. My way is to find things I like doing, to keep busy and to make life as interesting but as normal as possible.
So there's no point dwelling on sadness, it won't make Colin come back and as it's Saturday again here's the happy things I did last week............................
😊Flower "arranging" .........................I brought in the last of the tulips from the cutting garden
😊Bargain hunting....................... last Saturday, around a village which had garage/yard sales but blimey the wind was cold. I found a lovely Gap cardigan for Willow for £1 (no point in knitting......not that I can........when secondhand finds are as cheap and good quality as this); a Duplo truck; more books for the grandchildren and a little step to go by the toilet for Jacobs next visit. Then it started to snow! which turned to hail and rain and I went home to keep warm and watch the snooker.
😊Gardening................sorting the outside pots and then mainly in the greenhouse, putting the tomatoes, cucumbers, aubergines and peppers into the big pots and fixing up canes. On Bank Holiday Monday morning I planned to tackle the grass cutting but found both the ride-on and the small mower had flat batteries.....(Duh! note to self - put batteries on charge more often) so that job had to wait until afternoon and luckily it stayed fine although very grey and cold. Looking at the rows that should be beetroot seedlings there are huge gaps - I've never had much luck with sowing things straight into the ground which is why we had His and Her jobs at the smallholding. I'll try and fill the gaps with more seeds. Courgettes have been planted out and covered with a plastic tunnel cloche. Squash and peas have been sown in pots in the greenhouse ....a bit late really but they'll catch up hopefully. I bought some cheap flower plug plants from Asda for the shabby chic ladder then discovered all the things I used to plant things in that fit on the ladder steps have fallen to bits/gone rotten/vanished.
☔☔☔Keeping dry and warm.........................we've had plenty of rain now - it can stop please, as the water butts are all full and as well as rain it's been chilly all week. 🔥I lit the wood-burner a couple of times.
The forecast for the weekend is better and warmer for next week too - hope it's right so I can get out to some boot sales.
I really have to think hard to find things to be grateful for this week, not the best of weeks.........
- Rain for the gardens after several weeks dry
- A lovely collection of library books
- My home in the peace and quiet of the Suffolk Countryside